A Raven in Charming
by Ariee-26
Summary: When Ari arrives back in Charming after 5 years, she's not sure what will be waiting for her, except painful memories. Can Jax, the SoA, and her friends heal the wounds that the last 5 years had caused? Jax/OFC
1. Chapter 1

_When Ari arrives back in Charming after 5 years, she's not sure what will be waiting for her, except painful memories. Can Jax, the SoA, and her friends heal the wounds that the last 5 years had caused?_

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><p><em>Hi guys! Be gentle on me, okay? This is my first story. It'll take a bit to get it really rolling. And, before I get messages yelling at me, I know that the songstechnology that I'll be putting into the story don't exactly line up to the timeline of the story. BUT, I like them. And I feel like they'll fit the scenes they're placed into. I also know that a lot of the cannon story line moments won't fit time wise to where they will be placed. Details about Opie and Donna, Jax and Wendy, things of those nature. But it will work out, I promise._ **_This is my version. I own nothing but my words. Some of this will be cannon, but most of it will be my own. It's rated M for a reason folks!_**

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><p><strong>May 26, 2000<strong>

Ari sighed as she watched the dry landscape roll by her window. It wasn't the rich and intense greens of New England, with constant seclusion offered by heavy foliage and forests, but this was where she had grown up. The last time she had seen this muted palette of greens and browns, she was 14 years old, headed to the airport to be shipped across the country. It had been 5 years since she had seen this landscape, dryness and scarcity, framed by rolling hills. Memories came flooding back into her mind, the agony she had felt when she left. Why she had been forced to leave. Images of those she had loved flashed through her mind, but if the last 5 years had proven anything, they had all forgotten she existed by now.

Ari let her mind flick back to the recent phone conversation that had enticed her to come back home. The lawyer who had contacted her, Rosen, was involved with a firm who had been a longtime associate of SAMCRO. He had been trying to get in contact with her since she was 18 in regards to some personal property she needed to claim. Knowing she was risking painful memories, she decided to drive and meet him anyways. So, 6 days ago, she had thrown everything that mattered to her in her antique Mustang and began the long drive from Worcester, Massachusetts to Charming, California. She had taken her time with the drive, stopping in small stores that caught her eye, sitting and relaxing at scenic rest areas, eating at every diner that piqued her interest. She made sure to sleep a healthy amount of time overnight, choosing to use the little bit of money she had towards her name to pay for a few motels that didn't look too beat up. The added time had given her time to process all the memories and emotions running through her head. She began absently rubbing her left wrist where her tattoo sat. She was almost there. Bracing herself mentally, she pushed the pedal down further and heard her engine roar in response. She'd be in Charming within the hour. 

Arriving in Charming a little after 1, she about 2 hours before her meeting with Rosen and she wanted to use the free time to reacquaint herself with what had once been her home town. She wasn't sure what her meeting with Rosen was going to present her with and she didn't know how long she would be staying in Charming. She didn't know if she wanted to stay in Charming, even though it meant there were 3000 miles between her and her egg donor. Walking around town to stretch and explore would be too risky, it presented the possibility of being recognized. With a resigned sigh, she pulled her long, dark hair into a messy bun atop of her head, slid on her large dark framed glasses, and took one deep breath, inhaling the dry air and feeling the heat upon her skin. With that, she rolled up the car windows and decided to drive around town a bit. The town seemed like it hadn't changed a bit, and she found herself easily driving by the places she had spent most of her time as a kid.

Ari pulled into the diner at about quarter to 3, and she took some deep calming breaths before getting out of the car. She knew Charming was still small town it always had been, the same people, same families. Most people didn't leave Charming, and she was anxious at the idea of running into someone she knew. Running into a Son or an Old Lady, just the idea scared her to death and pissed her off all at the same time. After pulling her tight jeans up a bit, and fanning out her tank top for a second, she walked into Lumpy's. Just like Charming, Lumpy's hadn't changed. Hell, she didn't think they had even put a fresh coat of paint on the place in the years she had been gone. Seating herself at a booth at the back of the diner, she ordered a cup of coffee from the waitress that came over. She fiddled with her rings, her hair, her phone, turning her wrist over to rub and look at the tattoo that lay there. A gravestone, covered in ivy, with a crow perched on top sat there and she lost herself in memories of the man she had gotten the tattoo in memory of. The clearing of a throat startled her back to the present, causing her to jump and spill some of the coffee out of her cup.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! Raven, I presume?"

"YOU are SAMCRO's lawyer? You look too young to have been roped into that bunch of assholes. Then again, they always were full of empty promises that sounded so amazing."

The venom in her voice startled him, she could tell by the perplexed look that crossed his face. Extending a hand to her, "Ed Rosen, and I can assure you Raven, I'm not as young as I look." She accepted the gesture, shaking his gently, after which he slid into the booth across from her.

"And please, it's Ari. Raven is so formal."

Cocking his head at her, she realized that confused might just be a constant look for him. She looked him over before he began speaking again, taking in his navy blue suit, starched white shirt, and red tie. He had a baby face, dark hair in a side swept cut that enhanced the boyish look he had. He looked innocent, young too, and he shouldn't be tangled up in SAMCRO. "How did you get Ari out of Raven?"

Ari smiled gently, letting the memory flicker across her mind of just who had nicknamed her that, "Childhood nickname. As I'm sure you know, my full name is Raven Eloisa Whitney, or R. E Whitney."

Rosen returned the smile, connecting the dots. "Therefore, Ari. Got it. I have to tell you Ari, you are nothing like the little girl I remember meeting years ago."

"We've met?!"

"Yes, about 7 years ago," Rosen paused and looked at her, making sure she was paying complete attention. "When your dad realized that Sons of Anarchy couldn't prevent a war between themselves and the Mayans, he began to worry about what how you would be provided for and protected if he was caught in the crosshairs of that war. He had me draft up a will for him, as well as a trust, which you were to inherit upon your 18th birthday, if he was no longer in a position to provide for you. That will and trust are what we're here to discuss today. He brought you with him to the meetings." Rosen paused again and gave her a sad smile, "Like I said, Ari, I'm not as young as I look."

Ari thought back, trying to recall those meetings. She couldn't. She would have been 12, if Rosen had his timing correct. It had been a rough time in her life, as well as the lives of anyone involved or connected to SAMCRO, so it didn't surprise her that she had forgotten. Her dad was Thomas "Uncle Tom" Whitney. He was one of the First 9 of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club, Redwood Original. His nickname, Uncle Tom, came from the fact that he was what was known as a 'dutch uncle,' meaning he could get his hands on anything you might want. Ari wasn't naïve, she had never idolized her father, but she had loved him fiercely. She knew he was a thief, and that he had done terrible things in his life. He actually held (and she wondered if he still did) the record for most items stolen within SAMCRO history upon his death. Ari was a SAMCRO princess, SAMCRO had raised her until her father's death when she was 14. He was killed by a Mayan when he had landed in Stockton during the turf war.

"Wait, did you say my 18th birthday? I'm 19," the anger began to bubble into Ari's voice. "Why did it take you this long to contact me?" She demanded, eyes flashing with an almost deadly quality.

"I've been attempting to contact you and handle his will since a month before your 18th birthday. Your mother, Eloisa, had denied all contact for over a year. I have tried sending letters and calling. I even came to Worcester to contact you. She refused to let me talk to you at all. Considering her hatred for the club, I can't say it surprises me that you speak of SAMCRO with such venom."

Ari chuckled to herself, venom leeching into her thoughts. _That gash has nothing to do with my hatred of the club that abandoned me._ She processed what Rosen had told her. It made sense, Eli, as her mother was known, hated the club. Eli had met Tom when he was 31 and already part of the club. She had been young, 19 – the same age Ari was now, when she met Tom. He had the bad boy charm, and he could get his hands on anything she wanted. Running away from a family she hated, she fell in love with him. She had been beautiful, a knockout body, with a give them hell attitude and Tom had loved her. She enjoyed the party life that SAMCRO had offered, and abused the poisons that were easily acquired through it. 5 years later, in 1980, she found out she was pregnant. She struggled to stay clean while pregnant. Tom had wanted to name the baby Bran if it was a boy, a Welsh name meaning Crow – in honor of the club that they both considered family, and Brandi if it was a girl. However, when she had been born, on April 26, 1981, with a full head of dark, black hair, Raven practically named herself.

Things had quickly fallen apart, creating the hatred that Eli had for the club. Eli had a hard time staying sober, to the deepening anger of Tom and the other members of SAMCRO. Arrested for drunk driving with Raven, at 9 months old, in the car was the first straw. She was ordered to get herself clean or pay the consequence. Tom had started sleeping at the clubhouse, and taking Raven with her. She would spend the day with Jax Teller and Opie Winston, the princes of SAMCRO, who looked at her as their little sister they never had. The moment that changed everything was during a stay with Eli, just before Raven's 1st birthday. Eli had begged to take her for a night, promising she would take care of her, that she missed her babygirl. Tom had come to check up on Raven, and make sure everything was alright. What he found was a pot smoking on the stove, the water boiled out, Raven screaming in an ice cold tub that reeked of urine, and Eli passed out on the bed. He found syringes full of crank on the nightstand. Eli was told she had 2 choices: be arrested and then put into rehab to get clean, or pack her shit and never come back. Eli chose to leave.

She hated the club after that, because she blamed them for her addiction, for the fact that she had no money to her name, and that she was homeless. She hitchhiked across the country and settled into the New England area. She became a stripper, to make ends meet. When that wasn't enough to fuel her drug habits, she began prostituting herself on the side. She never inquired about Raven. It wasn't until the Department of Children and Families had tracked her down after Tom's death that she saw Raven. It had been 13 years, and Raven hated Eli the way Eli hated SAMCRO. It made sense that she had deflected any calls from a lawyer that had to do with her father.

"Makes sense, that gash hates the club and anyone and everything attached to it. How did she figure out that you had to do with SAMCRO?"

"We are the same firm that handled your father's divorce from her."

Ari laughed cynically, "Of course. Stupid bitch couldn't remember my birthday, but of course she would remember the name of the firm that divorced her 18 years ago. Now, you said my father set up a will and a trust? What exactly are we talking about?"

"Well, most of it is pretty standard. You father left you everything. His house, which was completely paid off, was left in your name. While it has been checked on, on a monthly basis, to make sure that it is in safe and that it hasn't been broken into or vandalized, it probably needs a bit of TLC. It's been sitting vacant for over 5 years. There's an inheritance that he left in a trust fund for you, equaling about $50,000 at the moment. There's also a safe deposit box at Charming Credit Union for you to open. If I know you father at all, I'm willing to bet there is some more cash in that." Rosen stated all of this like it was nothing.

Ari was stunned. The house? $50,000? She nodded, slowly, slack jaw to Rosen for him to continue.

"Now, there were a few stipulations that your father put into place. In order to have access to that money, you had to be at least 18 years old. He also stated that you could only have access to half so long as you were a full time student and within good academic standing with the school. The other half you could have access to after you had graduated."

"You're fucking kidding me, right? From beyond the grave, that old crow is still making me go to school?"

"That's right. His will states so long as you pick a major, and stick to it, you can have access to the trust. The other stipulations are no big purchases, no withdrawing lump sums of more than $1,000 within a month. Now, all you have to do is sign this paperwork, and the rest is up to you. You submit proof to the agency that you're enrolled in school, as well as your midterm and semester grades, and we will grant you access to the trust on an ongoing basis. There is a small amount put aside for you to get on your feet."

"And what if I choose not to stay in Charming?"

"Well, the house would be yours to sell. The access to the trust would still be there, as you can attend any school of your choosing."

Ari was reeling as she signed the X's, crossed her T's, and dotted her I's that provided her access to what Rosen had explained to her. He handed her the keys to the house, the key to the safe deposit box – telling her the number and explaining that she would need to show 2 forms of identification in order to gain access to the box. He also provided her with copies of the Title to the house, and the will and trust. Rosen put some cash down on the table to pay for the coffee they had both had during the meeting, and walked her out to her Mustang. His eyes practically popped out of his head at the car, and she could tell he was itching to ask her about it. He didn't, just admired the car and opened her door for her after she had unlocked it. Ari was about to get into the car when Rosen spoke up.

"Oh, Ari, one more thing."

"Yes?"

"Your dad's bike, it's a valuable one. You're entitled to it according to the will, but in order to get the title, you will have to search out Jackson Teller. Your father gave him the title, as well as the keys, before he went to prison."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me. I'm not going to that bastard. I don't want SAMCRO knowing I'm in town."

Rosen laughed internally as the tiny woman, who couldn't be more than 5 foot, looked like she had doubled in size. _She definitely got her father's anger management._ "I'm sorry, it's what the will states. I can't change it. He was adamant that he wanted things to play out that way. That Jax would take care of the bike until you could get it from him."

"What. The. Fuck. Whatever. But I'm warning you Rosen, I will inform SAMCRO when I'm ready that I'm in town. You do not breathe a word of it to the club, unless you want to be force fed your own cock and balls." With that, she slid in, and slammed the door. Putting the key in the ignition, the engine roared to life, the radio blasting out the words of In This Moment.

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><p><em>"<em>_You don't know how hard I fought to survive,_

_Waking up alone when I was left to die_

_You don't know about this life I've lived,_

_All these roads I've walked_

_All these tears I've bled_

_So how can this be?"_


	2. Chapter 2

_Sorry guys, I know the first chapter is filled with a bit of history and a lot of open questions. It'll come out, I promise. I'm going to switch perspectives a bit and go to Jax. The story will come together._

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><p>The sun was setting as Jax, Tig, Chibs, and Bobby made their way back into Charming. They had been on a protection run for Unser Trucking, and they had been on the road for 3 days. They hadn't expected the run to take as long as it did, but they hit a few snags along the way. This was the fifth protection run he had been on in a month. Clay had been working Jax hard, making Jax prove that he had earned his Vice President patch. Sitting at a red light in the center of town, Jax heard Tig and Bobby let out a whistle. Turning to look at them, he followed their line of sight to a beautiful Mustang that was across the intersection from them. Jet black paint reflecting the colors of the sunset, the rumble of true American muscle under the hood, the car was a beauty. So this was the cage he had heard talk of. He could tell the plate was an out of state one, but from his view point, he couldn't make out the state. The light turned green and the Sons turned one way while the Mustang went the other. Pulling into Teller Morrow Automotive, the guys backed their bikes into line. Jax cut the motor to his bite, and stood up. Taking off his helmet, he gave his back a long stretch, letting out a groan.<p>

"I feel you on that one, brotha," Chibs said besides him, letting out his own groan. "You see that cage out there? As far as cages go, she was a beauty."

"Yes she was. Wonder who owns it. I've heard the guys talking about seeing it around town for the past week or two. It's got to be a 68, 69?" Running a hand through his hair to smooth it down a bit, he pulled out a cigarette. Inhaling, he watched as Rosen's car pulled into the lot. Cocking his head to the side, he cast a glance at Clay who was standing at the door of the office talking to Gemma. Clay shook his head, letting him know that he hadn't been expecting Rosen.

"Alright, who fucked up now? Tig, is it a pregnant hooker or Thai boy this time?" Jax joked as Rosen walked over to him. Tig punched him on the arm, his creepy smile slowly spreading across his face.

"You cut me to the quick brotha, leaving out the possibility of a young Latina lady. It's like you don't know me at all." He held his hands over his chest, clutching at his heart as if he were in pain.

"Tig, you are one sick fuck. So, Rosen, who's in trouble bro?" Jax asked.

"No one is in legal trouble, for the moment. You might want to consider putting a cage on Tig's dick though, just to keep yourselves out of trouble." Rosen cracked a smile, he felt comfortable with the Sons; they had been good to him. "Could I bother you and Clay for a moment of time though?" Rosen asked nervously. Jax agreed, knowing Rosen probably had news on Opie.

Jax laughed, "You know, that's not a bad idea. I'll let you do the honors though; I'm going to stay as far away from any dick besides my own as I can. Especially Tiggie's, I can only imagine the places that's been." Jax walked over to the office. "Clay, table. Rosen needs us." Jax nodded when he said he'd be there in a minute, and led Rosen into the clubhouse. Clay walked in a few minutes later and shut the doors to the Chapel. Taking his seat at the head of the table, he said his hello's to Rosen before asking what was going on.

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><p>Jax had been right, Rosen had news of Opie. He told them that Donna had refused to sign the divorce papers, telling Rosen that Opie was just trying to protect her and push her away. Jax sighed an internal sigh of relief at that, grateful that Donna had been able to see through Opie's bullshit. Opie had been arrested on arson charges 2 years ago now and was up for parole in a few months. If he didn't get parole, he was looking at another 3 years in Stockton. Opie had taken the arrest as a sign that he was bad for his family, which consisted of Donna and their 3 year old twins, Kenny and Elli. Rosen told Clay and Jax that Opie had been on fairly good behavior thus far and he was confident that he would be granted parole. He also stated that Otto Delaney had managed to keep Opie clear from anything that would tarnish that good behavior.<p>

"You know, for a guy who just told us some good news, you look worried Rosen," Clay stated, cigar hanging from his mouth. "You got something else you need to discuss with us?"

Rosen sighed and then took a deep breath. "I do, in fact, but this is more of a personal matter." He hesitated, and at Clay's hand motion to continue, "Look, she's going to have my balls for this." Rosen began before Jax cut him off.

"You're coming to us about some chick you're afraid of? Maybe we need to be looking for a lawyer who isn't so much of a pussy." Jax cracked, a smile spreading across his face, Clay laughing with him.

Rosen, however, didn't laugh. He just looked Jackson in the eye before speaking, "Not some chick. Raven."

It was like the world stopped spinning when Jax processed the name that had just rolled off of Rosen's tongue. Raven. Jax had lost a lot of people in his life within the past 10 years, none of them weighing easily on his heart: his little brother Tommy, his dad JT, members of the club that he hadn't been as close to, Uncle Tom – Raven's dad, Raven, and Tara. None of those losses were easy, but losing Raven had gutted him.

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><p><strong><em>February 17, 1995<em>**

_"Jax?"_

_He cracked his eyes open, angry at the intrusion of his sleep. Rolling over, he looked at the clock. Jesus Christ, it's 2 am. He groaned, and then his sleep heavy mind caught up to the voice that had woken him up. She sounded scared, timid. His voice was scratchy with sleep when he asked, "What's up little bird?"_

_"I, uh," she stammered, "I can't sleep. Can I come lay down with you?"_

_Under normal circumstances, Jax's 16 year old dick would have twitched at the idea of a girl sharing his bed, but not when it was Ari. Ari was his little sister, for all intents and purposes. This wouldn't be the first time they had shared a bed: anytime the club had gone into lockdown, Ari and Jax had always wound up sleeping in the same bed at the clubhouse. They spent almost every day together. Now, Ari was living with Jax again, not for the first time. Gemma had been named Ari's legal guardian for any point in time that Uncle Tommy was in prison. He had just landed back in Stockton on gun running charges a few weeks ago, which meant Ari would still be living with Jax when she graduated from high school. That thought alone crushed him, for her, because she was only half through her freshman year. "Of course, little bird, come here darlin'."_

_Ari quietly pushed the door to his room open a little more, and stepped in. Careful, as not to make any noise, she shut the door to his room and crept over to his bed. Jax held up one edge of the covers for her, and she slipped under and into the bed with him. While she did lay with her head on his arm, she lay as close to the edge of the bed as she could, and had her back towards him. "Hey, what's up, why are you all the way over there? Come here." Jax tried to get her to roll to him._

_"__Jax, aren't we too old for this? Isn't it wrong to be doing this at our age? What would people think? What about Tara? Won't she be mad about this?"_

_"__Ari, there is nothing wrong with what we're doing. We're not having sex, we're cuddling, because you're upset. Tara will understand that. She knows how we are. And since when do you give a fuck about other people?"_

_"__I guess you're right, my head is just all messed up right now." With that, she rolled over and closer to him, snuggling up and placing her head on his shoulder and chest. _

_"__Your dad is really getting to you this time, isn't he?" _

_"I'm worried about him Jax. I know things aren't right. I know he's in trouble in there. There isn't enough protection; the club can't keep him safe." It amazed Jax how well Ari had always picked up on the intricacies of everything going on around her. He was currently prospecting for the club, and even he didn't understand how things worked as well as she did._

_"Don't worry, little bird, we'll keep him safe." Pulling her close, he dropped a kiss on her forehead and ran a hand through her dark hair. They talked for a little while, her head on his chest, his arm around her tight, until she dozed off. When Gemma had come in the next morning to wake Jax up for school, her eyes looked like they were going to bug out of her head as she took in the sight in front of her. Jax was wide away, tightly holding Ari to him, who looked so small next to him. He shook his head at his ma, and held a finger up to his lips. She understood what he tried to convey, and quietly left the room and shut the door._

_It became a regular thing in the few months that Ari lived with them. She just didn't sleep right without being at home. Eventually, after a few weeks, Gemma and Clay told them just to go to bed together, that they knew they would wind up there anyways. Ari's cheeks had burned so red at that, not knowing either of them knew. She was so flustered she walked into a wall. The only downside to Ari being in bed with him was that it meant Tara couldn't be. Tara had been sneaking out of her house and joining Jax in bed for almost 6 months before Ari had moved in. Jax was worried how she would take it, but he was right, Tara understood. She knew it wasn't a sexual thing. It was comfort thing. After all, it had been Raven that introduced them. Jax and Tara found other ways to get their kicks. Skipping class and heading to the janitor's closet seemed to work for them._

_Jax would forever remember the day that Uncle Tommy died. It was 3 am when Gemma and Clay walked into his room, looking heavy hearted, as they switched on the light. Clay sat at his desk chair with a heavy sigh and Gemma stood behind him, her arm wrapped around his chest. Jax knew what they were about to tell him and Ari, and it broke his heart to wake her up. She sat up as she took the sight of Gemma and Clay in, and Jax wrapped his arm around her, hugging her back to his chest tightly. He felt every sob that wracked her body as Clay told them that Thomas had been stabbed to death by a Mayan in prison. He had fought back and managed to kill one of his attackers before he was taken out though. Gemma and Clay both said they were so sorry for her loss, and began to exit the room._

_"__Wait, Gemma." Ari's voice was scratchy and small. Gemma turned around and looked at her. "This means what I think it does, doesn't it?"_

_"__Yes, little bird. I'm sorry. Neither of you have to go to school tomorrow, or the next day, so spend the time together. You need it." Jax was surprised at the tenderness in his mom's voice. _

_That night, Jax and Ari didn't sleep much. She spent most of the night sobbing against him, and he tried his best to comfort her. He put on The Wizard of Oz, her favorite movie, to try to cheer her up. Singing softly along with the music, the sadness was still obvious, but she did stop crying. The next morning, Ari asked if they could go for a ride and get out of town after breakfast. Her 'breakfast' didn't consist of anything solid, simply 3 cups of coffee, though you'd never know there was coffee in that mug considering how much sugar she put in it. In jeans and an old SAMCRO sweatshirt of his, Ari said she was ready. As they walked out the door, Jax caught sight of the date. In the midst of the tragedy, he had forgotten what today was. He ran up to his room, slipping a small package in his pocket, and walked out the door with her. With her arms wrapped tightly around his waist, her head against his back and shoulder, they rode out of town. They stopped about 2 hours out of Charming, on the Wahewa land, and laid a blanket out in the middle of a field, shaded by a tree._

_They were laying on the blanket in silence, looking at each other and the scenery when Jax remembered the package in his pocket. "Little bird, I know you probably don't want to be reminded of this, but your dad wouldn't want it to be ignored. Happy birthday, Ari. I'm sorry that it comes so close to such a tragic loss for you." He pulled out the small box and handed it to her. Her eyes welled with tears as she took the box from him._

_"__You remembered."_

_"__Of course I did, I could never forget your birthday."_

_Wiping tears from her face on the back of the sweatshirt, she opened the small box. Inside lay a beautiful leather bracelet with silver studs on it. There were small silver charms hanging from the leather: a motorcycle, a guitar, a crow, and a dream catcher. All symbols that meant so much to her. She sat up, crying harder now, and looked at him with shock in her eyes._

_He wasn't expecting what came next. One moment she was looking at him with tears in her big, hazel eyes, and then the next, her lips were against his, the shock making him go still for a moment, before instinct took over. Her lips were soft and eager, but Jax lightly pushed on her shoulders to separate them. "Ari, what the hell was that?"_

_"__Fuck, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what I was thinking. Oh my god, Jax, I'm so sorry." She began rambling as she quickly scrambled away from him on the blanket. "I just, between my dad and my birthday, and this bracelet, that I'm going to have to leave, I just, I wanted my first kiss to be at home."_

_"__What are you talking about that you have to leave?!"_

_"__Gemma only had legal guardianship of me if my dad was still alive. When he died, I become Eli's. They're going to send me to Massachusetts, Jax. I have to lose my dad, my home, my friends, all in a few days. They're going to take my whole life from me."_

_Jax processed over all of this, and the small conversation between Gemma and Ari made sense to him now. "They can't do that, they can't take you away from your home and send you across the country to live with an addicted prostitute, they can't!"_

_"__They can, they will."_

_"__Oh little bird, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Jax felt like he was going to cry himself, but then a detail of what she had said flashed across his mind. "That was your first kiss?"_

_Turning beat red, Ari looked awkward and embarrassed. It was endearing, and her voice was so soft and timid when she said "Yes" looking down at her lap. "I shouldn't have done that, Jax. I know. You don't see me like that, and you have Tara. It wasn't my place to spring that on you, and why would you even consider me that way, I'm nothing special." She stood up and started to walk away. Jax quickly stood up, and not sure what came over him, he reached for her arm and spun her to him. "Yes, you are." With that, he pulled her body against his, grabbed his face so he could look at her face, and crashed his lips against hers._

_The kiss was demanding and eager; it had a passion and hunger to it that Jax had never felt. It was needy, both on his end, and hers. Their tongues danced against each other, exploring each other's mouths. Jax slid his hands down to her ass, lifting her up, and she wrapped her legs around him. Walking over to the blanket with her in his arms, he laid them down so that he was resting his weight on top of her and sucked her bottom lip into his mouth, nibbling on it, and started kissing down her jaw to her ear. Her moans were breathy against his ear, as she sucked his ear into her mouth. Their mouths connected again and it was frenzy of heat, wetness, and need. Jax was harder than he had ever been in his life when they finally broke the kiss. Resting his forehead against hers, he looked her in the eyes. She was flushed, breathing quickly, and she pushed him so that they could settle into their normal position of her resting her head on his shoulder._

_A few hours later, they rode back to Charming. Neither of them mentioned the kiss as they crawled into bed together, falling asleep in each other's arms. That would be the last night they would spend together. DCF came the next day, telling Ari to pack her belongings. The last moment they had together was a deep hug, and as she began to walk to the car, Jax grabbed her hand, walking with her quietly, looking at the bracelet that hung there. He dropped a kiss on her head, tears rolling down both of their faces, and shut the door to the car. With that, the car drove out of Charming on April 27, 1995. Ari never even was able to attend her father's funeral._

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><p>Snapping out of memory lane, Jax turned a heated glance to Rosen. "What about Raven?"<p>

"She's in town. She has been for 2 weeks. She told me not to tell you, but I've been weighing my options. I decided one little girl, as fierce as she may seem, wasn't as scary to me as a bunch of biker outlaws."

"Where is she?" Jax demanded, his chair hitting the wall when he stood up so quickly.

"The house. She has the keys and title, it's hers now." Jax was halfway out the door before Rosen called to him again. "Jax, I should warn you, she isn't too fond of SAMCRO these days. I remember words like 'assholes' and 'what the fuck' being thrown around."

Clay tried to throw some reasoning to him, "Jax, maybe she wants to settle in first. Something must have happened for the little princess to suddenly hate her family. Maybe we should respect her wishes."

"Clay, brotha, it's Raven. Ari. Our little bird. She's home. You can't expect me to not go find her." Jax sounded like he was frantic, even to his own ears.

"If it's what she wanted, maybe we should. God only knows the hell she's experienced in the past 5 years. The wounds she's had in the time she's been gone."

"All the more reason I need to go to her."

"Jax..."

But Jax wasn't having it. He wasn't listening. He ignored Clay and Rosen as they called after him. He distinctly heard Rosen saying that his balls were going to be on a plate because of this. Jax didn't care, she was home. His little bird had flown home.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys, I completely overhauled this chapter and chapter 2. They just didn't work the way I wanted them to. Here we go!

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><p>It was dark as Jax slammed the door to the clubhouse and threw his helmet on. He wanted to head straight to her, but he knew he couldn't. He had to clear his head for a little while before he went to her. He wanted to be clear of mind, to be clean before he went to her. She deserved that. So he headed home. He took a hot shower, letting the reality of the past 5 years sink in. Did she know about Tara? Did she know about Ope? Hell, did she even know that Donna and Ope had gotten married, that they had kids? A lot had happened in the short period of time after she had left. She had written him letters for the first few months, telling him about the horrors of living with a prostitute of a mother. The letters became less and less, anger starting to seep into them, but Jax blamed that on the situation she was living in. The stars were shining as he headed to her.<p>

Jax had driven by the house many times, glancing at it, pulling memories up and then quickly squashing them back down. In an area that boasted beautiful, sprawling, ranch style houses, the Whitney house stuck out like a sore thumb. It was two stories, with a brick first floor, an attached garage. A wrap around porch that was held up by columns made a hell of an impression. The second floor was tan, and the yard in front of the house and porch contained what used to be beautiful gardens that Ari herself had planted and nurtured. It was beautiful and unique in this area, and he smiled as he remembered that Uncle Tommy told him that Ari herself had picked it out. When Ari was 4, Uncle Tommy realized he needed to get them into an actual house, let her enjoy a real childhood home, instead of the clubhouse or a small apartment. He told her that she could choose the house, and while she was riding with him to view another open house, she had noticed the house. She told him to pull over in front of the house, looked up with him with big, begging eyes, and told him this was her house. No other house would do. And what Ari wanted, Ari got. Tommy had always treated her like a princess, just like most of SAMCRO.

Jax pulled his bike into the driveway and cut the engine to his bike. He could hear the loud, angry bass of music pumping out of the house. Jax smiled, Ari always did have a thing for angry music, he was glad to see that hasn't changed. Getting off the bike, setting his helmet on the seat, he adjusted his kutte and walked to the door. All of the shades in the house were drawn, he couldn't see into any room. _She really didn't want us to know she was in town. _Running a hand through his long, blonde hair, he took a deep breath before knocking on the door. When there was no response within a minute or so, he knocked harder, louder.

He heard the music die down, and then footsteps approaching the front door. It wasn't even open before he heard her voice, older now, bolder, "Who the fuck, what the fuck do you…." Her voice trailed off as the door opened completely. She stopped in her tracks, taking in the blonde hair, 6'2 body, and leather kutte of the man standing on her doorstep. While she was taking him in, he was doing the same. Raven had changed, and she had changed in _all_ the right ways_._ She couldn't have gained an inch of height since he last saw her, but she had gained inches where it counted. She stood at least a foot shorter than him, her black hair that he bet still shone red in the sunlight reaching to the middle of her back. Her skin was still pale, freckles dusted across her nose, her cheeks were thinner now, her cheekbones higher than he remembered. His eyes travelled further south, her slim shoulders that were dusted with freckles. Down a little more, the white tank top she was wearing looked strained across her voluptuous breasts. His eyes travelled even further south, taking in the cropped hemline of the tank top, the silver dream catcher charm dangling from her belly button. _That was new._ Her stomach was pale, smooth, and completely flat. Her hips were wider now, and they tapered into think, athletic legs. _Man, she is a knockout._ Without a thought, he stepped towards her and tried to wrap her into his arms. "Little bird," he breathed out.

Before he could wrap his arms around her, she stepped back, a look of anger and hatred settling on her face. "Don't call me that. What the fuck you want Jax? Why the fuck are you here? I'm going to cut Rosen's balls off and feed them to him, he told you I was here, didn't he?!"

The anger was a slap in the face to him. For 5 years he had waited for her. He knew about her father's will, had known she should have been home over a year ago. He had checked in with Rosen, known that Eli was running interference, making it so Rosen couldn't reach Ari. He had lost hope after about 6 months and resigned himself to the idea what he might not get to see her for a very long time. As soon as the words were out of Rosen's mouth that she was in town, he knew he had to see her. "Little bird, what the hell?" His shock and hurt definitely bled through his voice. He knew she could hear it.

"Don't. Call. Me. That." Her eyes flashed with anger, her arms folding across her chest, forcing her very bountiful chest together and out. He spent a second too long looking at her bust, which she noticed. "What, you think you can just ignore me for 5 years, and then show up at my doorstep looking like a Greek god, and I'd just fall back into your arms? I've got news for you, Prince-y boy, I'm not some fucking croweater."

"You're not a croweater? Fuck little bird, I know that! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What's WRONG WITH ME? SERIOUSLY? GO. TO. HELL." She screamed at him, anger pouring out of her, her eyes flashing hatred at him. She started to close the door and Jax almost lost it. Quickly stepping up, he caught the door with his hand before it could close.

"I'm not going anywhere, Raven. Now, we can do this out on the street where everyone can hear you and I, letting EVERYONE know you're back in town, or you can let me into the fucking house and tell me what crawled up your ass and died."

She blew out a breath, and stepped back, resigned. He stepped into the house and noticed that besides the cleaning that it needed, the house looked exactly the same. Closing the door behind him with much more force than was necessary, Ari walked in front of him and his eyes couldn't help but take in her very round and firm ass. _This is definitely not the little girl I remember. _She walked into the living room, and turned down the stereo before standing next to one of the couches, her arms crossed across her chest again, ice shooting from the glare she was sending him. _Well, fine, if she's not sitting down, neither am I._ Jax stood across the room from her, leaning against the wall, his own icy glare matching hers. "What the fuck did I ever do to you for you to be such a cunt?"

Before he had processed the possibility of what her stride towards him could mean, an intensely hard slap landed on his face. When he turned his face towards her again, there was a murderous look on his face. "I don't suggest you do that again, darlin'. Start fucking talking. Now."

"Who the fuck do you think you are? You're not my dad, you can't order me around. What the fuck are you doing here, Jax?"

"I heard that my best friend was back in town. Thought I should go see her. Catch up. I guess I was wrong though, seems like my best friend died 5 years ago and was replaced with this bratty fucking gash instead."

Jax anticipated the slap this time, and caught her wrist before her hand could connect with his face. As he pushed her hand and arm back towards her, forcefully, he caught a glimpse of ink on the inside of her arm. "What did I tell you about trying to do that again?"

"What are you going to do, Jax? Hit me? SAMCRO has been reduced to women beaters, huh? I knew you guys were pieces of shit, but I didn't know you had stooped that low." Ari was baiting him, trying to push his anger, he could tell.

Turning around, he slammed his fist against the wall. Letting a breath out through clenched teeth, he walked to one of the couches in the middle of the room. Sitting down, he held his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees, and ran his hands through his hair a few times. _What the hell is wrong with her? This is going nowhere, fast._ Looking up, he spoke to her back, "No little bird, I'm not going to hit you. I don't hit women, and I certainly wouldn't start with you."

She spun around fast, her hair whipping around her. "For fuck's sake, don't call me that. And great, so you won't hit me, I guess you'll stick to ruining families and abandoning people when you realized you couldn't get what you wanted out of them."

_Ruining families? Abandoning people? _"Wait, wait, what?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about Jackson. SAMCRO got my fucking father killed, made me get ripped away from my home, my friends, my family. All of you assholes ruined my life and you fucking used me."

"I wasn't even in the club when your dad died, Raven! How the hell did I ruin your life, how did I abandon you? How the hell did I use you?" _She's gone absolutely psycho. _

"I sent you letters every week for months, almost a year, after I moved. Letters, I sent my phone number, I tried to call. You. Opie. Donna. Tara. All of you. I never fucking heard back from any of you. Nothing. Zilch. I guess Eli was right, when I wasn't of any use anymore, you would all forget I existed."

"And what _use_ is it you think I had for you?"

"Oh you know exactly what use it was. All of those nights, letting me sleep next to you, eventually you were hoping I'd open my legs for you, like every fucking slut in Charming would. You were going to prove that no one was able to resist the Prince of fucking Charming."

Jax felt the anger rising up in him, his blue eyes deep and dangerous looking. Gritting his teeth, he tried to calm himself. Did she really think everything he had done for her over the years had been to get her into bed with him? Did she think that low of him? They had been as thick as thieves growing up, did she think he faked all of that for her just to get her to open her legs? Fuck, he could have any chick he wanted, and he knew it. When he wanted it, he got it. And then, most of the time, he tossed them aside. He knew that. Pussy was just that, pussy. A nice wet ride, but nothing he put effort into.

"What the fuck? I never even thought of you that way! I barely noticed you were female until you kissed me the day before you left! You were my little sister, my best friend!"

"Oh, some best friend. You couldn't even be bothered with responding to me! I was going through hell, I had to fucking padlock my bedroom door every night! I missed home, I barely slept! I was scared and I was alone, and no one from home even bothered to check in on me!"

"Raven I sent you a letter in response to every one you sent me! It was you who stopped sending them. I thought you just had decided it wasn't worth the time. That it was too painful. I even tried to call you, even a few times last year!"

"I never got a single one of them, Jax. I never got a single phone call. Nothing." Tears were rolling down her face, her voice hiccupping as she hyperventilated.

"Ari, I promise you, on my bike, on my dad's bike, I sent them. I called." Jax didn't know how else prove he was telling the truth. It was all he could think of to promise on.

"If you did, why didn't I…" Her voice trailed off, and he could see the wheels churning in her head. "That stupid, good for nothing whore. That fucking gash. It was her. She had blocked Rosen, of course, she blocked you too. Anyone from Charming. Meanwhile, she sat there spewing venom and vile into my head. Telling me that anyone that they couldn't get something from wasn't worth SAMCRO's time. That I wasn't worth anything to any of you, for any reason. She made me believe, god, she made me hate you. She screwed with things I told her, turning them into something they never had been. Changing what I remembered, changing conversations into different versions of them."

Ari's eyes shown as she looked at Jax for the first time with something besides hatred in her eyes. He watched as the anger broke down, as her walls came crumbling down, and she lost it. She sank to the floor, her sobs taking over her whole body as she wrapped herself into a little ball, hugging her knees to her chest, rocking back and forth. His heart broke at the sight of her, and he went and sat next to her on the floor. Putting his arms around her, he pulled her into his lap and tried to settle his back against the wall to support them.

"No, no, don't touch me." She pounded her fists on his chest, but he didn't relinquish her hold. "I doubted you so much, I hated you. I let myself hate you. Oh my god, the things I thought about you, the hate I developed for you. Don't touch me. I don't deserve kindness from you right now."

"Shhhh, little bird. Shhh. It's okay. I got you, you're home. I got you." She stopped struggling against him and just cried into his chest. With one arm holding her tight against him, the other ran over her back in circles and through her hair, trying to comfort her. Her sobbing slowly died down, her breathing became less erratic, and she became very still in his arms. He hugged her tight to him, he could smell the mint shampoo on her hair that she had always used. "Now, what was that comment about a Greek god?"

Her laugh was tired and weak, muffled against him, but it was music to his ears. "You've grown at least 6 inches since I last saw you Jax, and so has your hair. You're not the scrawny, gawky guy I remember from before."

"I'm not the only one, little bird. You are certainly not a little girl anymore."

As she relaxed into him, he thought she was going to fall asleep, but then she became as stiff as a board in his arms. She sat up quickly, grabbing his left hand, and looked at him with panic in her eyes.

"Is that a wedding ring? Oh my god, I'm in someone's husband's lap. You're MARRIED?"


	4. Chapter 4

So, anyone who's been following the first few chapters so far, you might want to re-read chapters 2 and 3. I completely overhauled them, fixed them so they made more sense, didn't go as fast. They flow better now. I changed up chapter 1 too, but the details were small, nothing too big. Here's chapter 4. Please, review, review, review. They mean the world to me, give me motivation to keep writing.

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><p>Jax glanced at the clock, groaning as he realized it had been over 15 minutes since Ari had begun pacing back and forth on the floor in front of him, babbling animatedly with her hands. He tried to keep up with everything she was saying, but she had always been a fast talker when she was stressed, and even though he didn't think it was possible, it seemed as though her time on the east coast had only made her talk faster. He also noticed a hint of an accent that never used to be there. He felt guilty, knowing he should ease her panic, but he was relishing the glimpse into her mind after 5 years. He had always thought that her awkward babbling was endearing, and it made him crack a smile.<p>

"Of course you're married. Oh, fuck, Tara. She's going to kill me. I understood when she never responded to me, after she found out that I kissed her boyfriend. Now, here I am, not 3 hours into seeing her husband again for the first time in 5 years, and I'm sitting in his lap, talking about what he looks like. Jesus, you're only 22, you're married? Married?"

Jax decided it was time to catch her attention, snap her out of the babbling. "Ari."

I would have made sure we got married too, though, I guess. I mean, fuck, you're gorgeous. I would have demanded a ring so that I could stake my claim. Hell, I would have tattooed it on your forehead "Property of Raven Eloisa Whitney."

"Little bird."

"Well, no, I guess it would be Teller if we had gotten married. Tara is Tara Teller. It doesn't surprise me, you guys were always on top of each other, so fiercely in love, even when you were 15."

"For fuck's sake, RAVEN!" His yelling finally caught her attention, and she stopped in her tracks, turning beat red. "God, I've missed you, but would you shut up for a minute and let me explain?"

It was barely a whisper when she said "sorry" under her voice, looking at the floor. Walking over to her, he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the couch, sitting down next to her. He used his hand to lift her face to his, so that he could look her in the eye. "I filed for divorce almost a year ago. It should be finalized soon. I don't even know why I still had the ring on."

She shook her head, "What? You and Tara are getting a divorce?"

"I think we need to catch up on the past few years, and it's going to take a while."

"Do you want me to make coffee?"

"I think it's going to take something a little stronger than coffee. Have any Jack in the house?" She smiled a sad smile, and got up, walking to the kitchen. She came back with a bottle of Jack Daniels and two glasses. "Wait, you're not 21 yet, how'd you get this?"

"It's called a fake ID, _dad_."

"Alright, alright, I'll back off. I poured you your first drink when you were 11 years old, I guess I can't fault you. Look, I'm not married to Tara."

Shock settled on her face, "What? Who the hell are you married to? My god, how much did I miss?!"

"A lot." With that, Jax poured them both a tall glass of the whiskey. After taking a long swig of his, he started explaining. "Tara left when I was 19, saying that she hated this town, that she had to get away. That she couldn't be connected to the club, to me, that we were a mistake that should never had happened." They had been full disclosure and she couldn't handle the truth about what Jax did on a daily basis. The reality of who he was wasn't something she was handling well, but she had held on. Then, one night at a house party, some chick tried to push up on Jax. Tara snapped, the stress of her concerns breaking her, and she pulled the croweater away from him. She punched her in the nose, breaking it, and it had started an all-out brawl. Jax went on to explain that Tara had been arrested on assault charges and drunk and disorderly conduct and that it all had stemmed from him and the club. She was worried that she was throwing her future away for a violent outlaw biker, and she couldn't stomach that. The breakup had left Jax completely heartbroken, and soon after that, Opie had been locked up on arson charges. He met Wendy at the clubhouse, she was a croweater, and they had "great sex" but little more. "I married Wendy because I was lonely, Ari. I had lost my dad, you, Tara and Opie. I never loved her, and that reality broke her. She fell back into her addictions, and after I found her passed out on the kitchen floor, I filed for divorce."

"Oh, Jax, I'm so sorry. I can't believe Tara split."

"Neither could I, but I understand why she did. I can't fault her for it. She was right about who I am."

"Jax…"

"No, it's okay. I know the reality of it, of who I am, about what I do, but this is the life I grew up in. This is all I know, and I can't be with someone who can't accept that."

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><p>A few hours later, Jax and Ari had finished off the bottle of Jack Daniels and they were both drunk. She had listened attentively as he told her what had happened with the club members. That Opie and Donna were married, they had twins. That both Tig and Bobby had gotten divorced. That Otto had landed in jail. Luann was no longer in front of the camera, but instead was directing and producing porn. He told her about Juice, who he had brought into the club. She had taken it all in, listened and asked questions. Her shame of hating the club that she had grown up with was still there, and he had assured her that it wasn't her fault. It made sense that Eli had twisted her and changed her.<p>

"I have to pee. I'll be right back." Ari announced and attempted to stand up. Her drunkenness hit her hard though, and she stumbled and started to fall. Jax tried to smoothly catch her and it resulted in both of them landing on the floor, her falling on top of him. They both began laughing and then she grew quiet. She looked over his face, staring at his lips for a minute before speaking again. "You know, even when I hated you, I missed you Jax. I felt like I had died without you, and that pain helped to fuel my hatred. Almost every memory I had of Charming had you connected to it. You were always there. I missed that, I thought about you every day, even if it was with hatred." She was so vulnerable right now, opening herself to him.

"I thought about you too, little bird." He was suddenly very aware of the way she was laying on top of him, them not having moved since falling. "And do you know what I have thought about over and over and over again?"

"What's that?"

'When I would be able to do this again, if I would be able to do this again."

"Do what?"

"This." And with that, he crashed his lips against hers. The kiss was sloppy and drunken, but for the first time in 3 years, Jax felt something besides his hormones as he kissed someone. His hands balled up in her hair, pulling her greedily close to him. Their mouths were a clash of teeth, tongues, and lips. Her hands went to his hair as well, and his head burned as she pulled him even closer to her. He let his hands roam her body, down her back, feeling her bare skin under his hand when he reached the short hemline of her shirt. Her skin was silky and smooth under him, and he grabbed at her hips, digging his fingers in, pulling her down on him. He ground up into her, seeking friction for his impossibly hard dick. One hand slipped her shirt, sliding up her ribcage, making her shiver as her skin became covered in gooseflesh. Continuing up, he was surprised to find no bra blocking his hand from connecting with her breast. There was nothing gentle about their kisses or touches, and that was true of his grasp on her breast. He palmed it aggressively, and was rewarded with a breathy gasp from Ari. He was shocked when the feeling of metal met his hand when he found her nipple. Sitting them up, he started to pull up her shirt when she broke the kiss.

"Jax, no, we can't." She pushed on his chest, putting some space between them, even though he was still painfully aware of her bodyweight that was resting on his cock.

"Why not darlin'?"

"Because I don't want my first time to be in a drunken stupor."

"Little bird, did you mean to say 'the' first time, not 'my' first time?"

"No," she replied shyly.

_Oh, holy shit._ That was all Jax could think. He didn't think it was possible, but he got harder at her words. Raven was a virgin.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys! So I'm hoping this chapter is a longer one. I have a lot of ground I want to cover in it, but Ari's head is harder to write in. She's just so broken still. The chapter is likely to switch from her head to Jax's if it flows the way I'm hoping it does. Also, I had a review that said that Raven was very complicated…. She's only going to get worse, I promise. That, though, is what draws me into stories and to love characters. When they have so much baggage that you want to save them, that you want to love them when they can't love themselves. Raven is dark, and she's not going to get her happy ending for a while. It won't be an easy ride.

Did you guys have a good holiday? I hope so! Also, have any of you ever watched The Ledge? It has Charlie Hunnam, Liv Tyler, and I think it's Tyler Lawerence in it? It's a captivating movie, I have to admit. Charlie knows how to pick roles!

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><p>Shock, then contemplation, and then a wolfish grin all appeared on Jax's face in quick succession. <em>Shit, shit, shit. Why would you say that? Why would you admit that? Fuck, what were you thinking. Never drinking again. Never. <em>She quickly tried to scramble up, trying to carefully put some physical distance between them, but the whiskey was still affecting her movements. In her drunken haste to move away from him, her elbow accidently collided with his groin, and the grin quickly disappeared. He doubled over in pain, clutching himself. _Oh great, killer, break his prized possession. _"Oh, shit, Jax, I'm so sorry. I'm such a klutz. Stupid fucking whiskey, it's making me do all sorts of stupid shit tonight." With that, she ran to the kitchen. She felt so embarrassed, both about admitting she was still a virgin (to the biggest slut she knew) and about accidently elbowing Jax in the balls. The emotions from the night were still swirling around in her head, suddenly stronger from the alcohol and embarrassment.

As she stood in the kitchen, her mind was on fire. She began to pace the floor as the thoughts whipped through her mind like hurricane force winds. _Great, first night that you've seen him in five years, and you've made out with him, physically assaulted him (both on purpose and accidently), and confessed one of your secrets to him already. 5 fucking hours, 5 hours. That's all it took. How stupid are you? Why would you tell him that? Why did you ever believe Eli? Why could you so easily believe that Jax, that the club, hated you and didn't care? What would Daddy think of you right now?_ As the tirade of guilt and emotion continued to assault her mind, Ari stopped pacing and sunk to the floor. Tears that had welled up in her eyes fell freely and she began rocking back and forth on the floor. Her mind was a tornado and she couldn't keep up. One second she was thinking about their kiss, then how Eli had made her hate Charming, and then memories of her dad. All of it crashed together, fighting to take precedence, consuming her. She lost track of her surroundings, of the time and how long she had been in the kitchen.

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><p>It took Jax almost 5 minutes to regroup from Ari's elbowed assault. She had landed with most of her weight onto him and it wasn't a graceful and light fall. So, after laying on the floor, taking a few deep breaths and feeling the pain subside, he stood up. He laughed to himself as he walked into the kitchen. "Little bird, I don't ever remember you needing whiskey to turn you into a klu…."<p>

He never finished his thought, because Ari came into sight in the kitchen. He took her form in, clutching her knees and rocking on the floor. She was hyperventilating while she sobbed, staring at a spot on the floor. Instant guilt overcame Jax, and he quickly and quietly moved to sit next to her on the floor. He said her name in attempt to grab her attention, but she didn't even react. It was like he wasn't even in the room with her. He moved in front of her and grabbed her face to make her look at him. Her eyes were blank as he looked into hers, it was as though she was looking straight through him. He began to panic, not knowing what was going on with her, how to fix it. He kept trying to say her name, any form of it he could think of, and she just didn't react. "Ari, Raven, come on Little bird, what's wrong? Tell me how to fix it, darlin'. I'm right here babe, I'm right here. Come on, see me, hear me. Please."

After 10 minutes, Jax was at a loss of what to do, so he decided to call the only person he could think of to help. Sitting on his knees in front of her, tears began to run down his own face, completely heartbroken at how broken Ari was. He pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and dialed. It rang 5 times before he heard the line being picked up.

"Someone better be dead, Jackson. Why the hell are you waking me at 3 am?" Gemma's sleep filled voice was venomous.

"Ma, it's Raven. Something's wrong."

"Raven? What are you talking about Jax?"

"Clay didn't tell you? Raven's home. She's in Charming. But right now, she's sitting on the floor, crying, rocking, and looking right through me. It's like I'm not even here. I don't know what to do, Ma. Please, please, what do I do?" Jax was desperate, it was easy to hear in his voice. He was scared. Jax didn't get scared easily.

"Alright, alright, where are you?"

"Uncle Tommy's old house."

"I'll be right there Jax. Now, don't move her or do anything sudden, okay? I think I know what's wrong."

With that, the phone clicked off. Jax slid the phone back into his pocket and moved in front of Ari, and he cried. "Jesus, what happened to you, my Little Bird? How did you get so broken? Who did this to you? Who broke you? I'm going to fix you, I promise. I'm going to help you, so help me if it's the last thing I do." He rambled on to her for what felt like an eternity, and didn't hear the door open or close. He didn't even notice the click of heels across the floor, or the heavy fall of boots. Gemma's gasp was the first thing he heard that made him tear his eyes away from Raven. "Ma, what's wrong with her?"

"Jax, I think she's having a panic attack. I thought so when you called, but I needed to see her to be sure." Gemma's voice was softer than usual, gentler.

Clay's voice was unusually soft was well when he spoke, "Son, what happened?"

"I don't know. All I know is one second we're making out and then she's moving away from me and accidently got me in my junk with her elbow. By the time I got in the kitchen to tease her, I found her like this."

"Jesus Christ Jackson. You see her for the first time in 5 years and you're already trying to get in her pants?!" Gemma had the same tone in her voice that she had the first time she had walked in on him making out with someone, when he was 12 years old.

"Ma, not now. How do we snap her out of this?"

"Well, have you tried talking to her?"

"Do you think I'm a moron?" Jax asked, looking up to Gemma, who was standing in the middle of the kitchen. Looking over, he noticed that Clay had taken a seat at the table. _When had he done that?_ Jax had been so consumed in worry for Raven, he hadn't noticed.

"A slap always works in the movies." Gemma stated, like it was no big deal. Just matter of fact.

"For fuck's sake ma, I'm not hitting her!"

"A glass of cold water splashed in her face?" Gemma asked, raising her shoulders.

"You could always try kissing her." Clay's voice was filled with laughter when he said it. Jax thought it over for a second, and looked at Gemma, as if looking for approval.

"It's better than any of the ideas I've had."

That was all the permission he needed, and he went for it. Dipping his head close to hers, he whispered to her "Come back to me little bird." With that, he pressed his lips against hers. Once, twice, three times. No reaction. On the fourth, however, she started to slow her rocking. Then the rocking stopped altogether, and her crying slowed from a hyperventilating sob to a quiet hiccup. Her fists unclenched, her body relaxed, and after a minute, she began to kiss him back. Lost in their surroundings, they became consumed in each other once again. The clearing of a voice brought them back to reality, and Ari jerked back from him, bright red flushing over her face again.

"Oh, my, Gemma, Clay. I, uh, hi." Ari stuttered and Jax laughed to himself about how cute her embarrassment really was.

"Well, glad that worked!" Clay and Gemma both laughed out in unison, and Jax felt bad for Ari, just a little. Grabbing a hold of her hand, he pulled her attention back to him, to look for answers in her face and eyes. "Little bird, what was that?"

Her voice was small, timid, and very broken. "A panic attack."

"A panic attack? Since when do you get panic attacks?!" Jax's voice was harsher, more demanding than he had intended, and Ari flinched a little.

"Look, I'll explain everything, I will. But right now, I'm exhausted, they take a lot out of me, and tonight has already been completely draining emotionally, before the attack. So all I want right now is a cigarette and to get some sleep."

It was Gemma that spoke first, knowing that Jax would push for answers if she didn't. "Alright little bird, we'll let you do just that. But tomorrow, you have some explaining to do."

"I know." Her voice was sad, and Jax's mind wondered just how much he was going to learn tomorrow.

"Alright, Clay, take me home. We'll see you tomorrow, little bird. At our house, around 2?" It wasn't a question and everyone in the room knew it.

"Yes, Momma Crow."

A smile spread across Gemma's face as she heard Ari's childhood nickname for her spill out of her mouth. She dropped a kiss on Jax's cheek and then one on Ari's. Clay pulled her into a deep hug, and then they left Jax and Ari in the house for themselves. Neither of them even questioned whether he would be spending the night.

"Come on little bird, let's get some sleep." With that, Jax picked Ari up and started through the house with her, turning lights off as he went, making sure the doors were locked. Without a question, he walked up the stairs and straight into her old bedroom. He sat her on the edge of her bed, where she picked a pack of cigarettes off her nightstand and lit one, and he took in her room. The whole house was like a museum out of his memory, nothing had changed. Her room was no different; it was still princess meets mechanic and biker.

Smiling to himself as memories flashed through his head, he stripped himself down to his boxers and pulled the cigarette out of her hands, replacing it with the t-shirt he had just stripped off. Shyly, she turned her back, to him and pulled off her shirt. Jax's eyes greedily drank in the sight of her back, her pale skin, freckles dusted over her shoulders. He reached out to trace the dream catcher that sat between her shoulder blades, tracing down the feather that hung well into the middle of her back. She stilled and shivered at his touch, and he moved to drop a kiss in the middle of her shoulder blades. She pulled his shirt over her head then, and shimmied out of her pants, not that Jax could see anything. The t-shirt was like a dress on her. He inhaled one drag of the cigarette, feeling the smoke settle down his throat and then put it in the ashtray on the nightstand. With that, he pulled Ari to him, her head on his bare shoulder, her arm across his stomach, his arms wrapped tightly around her. He reached out and turned off the lights, dropping a kiss on her head. She was asleep before he whispered "Welcome home little bird."


	6. Chapter 6

**Trigger Warnings: Molestation, abuse and Rape.**

This chapter is going to be incredibly hard to write for me because since I began thinking of this story, I wanted to give Raven this experience. To explain her hatred. To explain her brokenness. The problem is, this experience, it is mine. The molestation, that is. I don't often talk about it, I don't often write about it, but it is mine. I want no pity, it's therapy to write about it. The details might be a little different, but not much. Please don't, however, think that it was a mother's boyfriend or anything of the sort. I have a great family who loves me, they have never laid a hand on me or drugs. That is all fiction, out of my head. J

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><p>Ari woke with a groan to the feeling of sunlight on her face. She had had the most vivid dream of Jax the night before, so vivid she could almost swear it was real. <em>What time is it?<em> With another groan, she pulled the covers off of her and swung her legs over the edge of her bed. It was the sight of her bare legs, a t-shirt hemline coming into view, that made her stop. _Wait, no, it couldn't be. _Glancing down on the floor, she found a pair of men's jeans and a leather kutte on the floor next to her bed. She whipped her head around quickly, to look behind her, and it was only the shock of the man in her bed that helped ease the pain in her head. _It wasn't a dream. Oh. My. God. It wasn't a dream. Jackson Teller is in your bed, last night really happened. _She began to get lost in the memories of last night that came flooding back to her. Them screaming at each other, her realization that he was married, then the truth that he wasn't really married, not anymore. Drinking some Jack. _Not some Jack, a whole bottle of Jack._ That kiss, his hands roaming about her body so eagerly. Her confession, her panic attack. _Did I really have a panic attack in front of Jax? That Gemma and Clay had seen too? God, they're going to want answers. I don't know if I'm ready to tell them._ She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't see Jax open his eyes and drink in the sight of her. She didn't feel him shift and reach for her, and the connection of his hands on her body made her jump.

"Morning, little bird. How'd you sleep?" His voice was groggy and sleep ridden, but god, if it wasn't the definition of sexy.

Her voice was barely a whisper, "When I woke up, I thought it was all a dream. Last night really happened, all of it?"

"Yeah, it did, darlin'," His voice was gentle, and so was his touch as he pulled her back down to lay with him. Tipping her face up to his with a finger under her chin, he searched her eyes. "Ari, what was that all about? What happened to you? You never had those before."

"Jax, I, uh, I will explain, okay? But I know I'm going to have to explain myself to Gemma too, and then I'm sure Clay will want to know too, and I don't feel like repeating my history that many times. Can you wait for me to tell you, with them, today?"

"Okay, little bird." With that, he dropped a kiss on her forehead and sat up. She watched, in fascination, as he stretched, taking in the reaper on his back. Just like he had the night before, she reached out her hand to trace the lines.

"This is new."

"You have a couple yourself, I've noticed." He threw a lopsided grin at her, and her reaction reached all the way down to her core. He lifted her wrist, turning it, and matched it to his forearm. She hadn't noticed his tattoo for JT that he had there, and it wasn't lost on her how similar the placement or tattoos were that they both had. "Great minds think alike, huh darlin'? Was this the first one you got?"

Looking down at her wrist and forearm, then back to his, a sad smile spread across her face. Both of them had graves, with a crow perched atop, in memory of their fathers, where the world could see. "Yeah, I just knew it had to be." She moved from her bed and stretched, his SAMCRO t-shirt rising up her legs a little. She was sore; alcohol always left that effect on her. She was also still very tired, so she decided to ignore the hungry way Jax's eyes were roaming over the extra couple of inches of skin her stretching had given him access to. When she started to move away from the bed, he moved towards the edge and pulled her so that she was standing between his legs. She drank the sight of his chiseled chest in, the small, dirty blonde trail of hair under his belly button. She continued to take in the sight, following the trail, and noticed that his boxer shorts were gapping a little at the front. Before she could take a look, she remembered that his hands were on her and she could feel the heat of his gaze on her.

Looking up at him, she was met with a panty dropping grin and a twinkle in his eyes. "See something you'd like, darlin?" She could feel the heat in her face as it turned bright red, and struggled to look any place except his face. _Fuck, he's perfection. And he fucking well knows it._ "So what about the dream catcher, Ari? I'm surprised that you would want that symbol on you forever, with all the hatred you had for Charming."

With a sigh, she looked back at his glacier blue eyes before speaking. "Like I said last night, or at least, I think I said. Did I really say everything I think I said last night. God. I'm such a moron. Anyways, like I think I said last night, though with all the whiskey, I can't be sure, I missed you. I missed home. Even when I hated everyone here, I wanted to be here. I was lost, confused, and well, the dream catcher has always protected me and helped me home." Her voice got smaller as she rambled, feeling emotionally vulnerable, admitting this piece of her head.

Jax nodded at her, understanding what she meant. Then, a smile started to cross his face. He stood up, stretching himself out, and pulled on his jeans. She couldn't help but watch. _Come on, there's a gorgeous god of a man dressing in front of you, why wouldn't you watch?_ "So, dream catcher on your back, and hanging from your belly button. Very sexy, by the way." His voice had taken on _that_ drawl and a shit eating grin spread across his face as he dipped his head to her ear. "Are there dream catchers in your nipples, too, little bird?" Fighting the urge to shiver, she shoved him away from her by his chest. "Jackson Nathaniel Teller, the things I'm going to do to you!"

"Is that a threat or a promise, gorgeous? By the way, I'm going to need my shirt back. Might as well just give it to me now, let me see what it's hiding." With that, he winked and ran for the door, stopping to grab his kutte off the floor and laughing when a pillow narrowly missed his head. Laughing to herself, she walked over and closed the door behind him, hearing an "aww, come on, darlin" drawl through it. "Let me get dressed in peace, you perv!" was shouted back as a response and she heard his footsteps as they made their way down the stairs. Pulling the t-shirt over her head, she picked out a black cropped tank top that showed one of the piercings Jax had just been talking about. Dark demin shorts that hugged her in all the right places, sitting low on her hips but showing a lot of leg were added to the outfit. A black bra and pantie set were worn underneath and she finished off the outfit with a pair of red Converse sneakers. Running a brush through her hair, pulling it into a low ponytail, she threw on some makeup. After checking herself in the mirror, she realized the outfit was exactly what she wanted it to be. Sexy, but not slutty. Cute, but still very casual. Pleased with herself, she made her way downstairs.

She was greeted with the smell of coffee and bacon as she made her way downstairs. Moving through the dining room to the kitchen, she leaned on the doorframe and just enjoyed the sight before her. Jax was moving about, cooking bacon and eggs. She enjoyed watching how his muscles moved and pulled with every motion. _He sure did fill in well. Gone is that lanky boy, trying to grow into those huge shoulders of his. When did Jax get so…. Jacked?_ "You know, it's not polite to stare. And if you're going to, I should at least be able to enjoy the same view." She could hear the smirk in his voice without him turning around to face her. "I wasn't staring, I was stuck. It's like a car accident, you can't pull your eyes away from this terrible sight, no matter how much it's burning your eyes." She laughed when he turned towards her, and put both of his hands over his heart. "You wound me to the core, little bird." She didn't miss the way his eyes roamed over her body, taking in her outfit.

Finally leaving the doorway, she plopped onto a stool at the breakfast bar he was standing in front of. "Someone's got to knock you down a peg, Prince Charming, because obviously the bitches around town haven't been doing it for you." He smiled at her before sticking his tongue out at her. She just shook her head and laughed. He set a mug out in front of her, filled it with coffee, and handed her the sugar. He shook his head as he watched her pour what had to be at least half a cup of sugar in the mug. "Some things never change, do they little bird? Do you want some coffee to go with your sugar?"

"No, I think there's just enough coffee in here for me." Next he sat a plate in front of her, plopping a couple pieces of buttered white toast, fried eggs, and bacon on the plate.

"Your sure-to-give-you-a-heart attack, but-first-heal-your-hangover meal, my lady. Full of all the grease you could want!"

"Thank you, kind sir. You didn't have to do this Jax. Thank you."

"You're welcome." With that, he came around the breakfast bar and they ate their meal, bantering with each other the whole time. After they were finished, and Ari had had about 4 cups of coffee, Ari realized it was almost time to be at Gemma's house. When Jax felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, he realized the same. "So, are you going to give me back my shirt, or am I riding with just my kutte on today, darlin? I mean, I know, I have incredible tits, they might even put YOURS to shame, but I try not to parade it around town. You know, to keep others feeling good about themselves." His eyes were twinkling, crinkling up at the sides, and a big grin spread across his face. He looked so young, so innocent, when he was smiling like that.

"Alright, alright, come down from your high horse, _darlin_, I'll go get it, wouldn't want to blind the townies. I left it upstairs." Blowing him a kiss and dashing for the doorway before he could reach her, she bound upstairs with a laugh. It felt so good to be playful and silly with someone again. Not just someone, Jax. To be joking the way they always did, poking fun at each other, it was what she needed before the conversation she was about to have. Grabbing his t-shirt off her bed, she moved back downstairs. She grabbed her keys out of the bowl next to the door, and then weighed them in her hand, contemplating her choices. She knew what she wanted, what she needed, and so she grabbed the small black cloth backpack that was in the closet, stuffing her cellphone, wallet, and cigarettes in. She grabbed a cropped leather jacket out of the closet as well, and threw it on before finding Jax, once again, in the kitchen. "Here's your shirt, Princey." He grimaced at the nickname, grabbed the shirt from her hand, and threw it over his head. Pulling his kutte off of one of the chairs, he threw that on too. _Vice President. Hot damn. Jax must be doing well for the club_. "So, uh, Jax? Could you maybe give me a ride over to your Mom's? No point in both of us driving there, and to be honest, considering what I have to talk about, I don't plan on leaving sober."

Jax's eyebrows knit together in worry as he raked a hand through his hair. "Of course I'll give you a ride, little bird. I gotta ask before we leave, am I going to want to kill someone after I hear all of this today?"

Sheepishly, she shrugged her shoulders, looked at the floor, and under her breath, just barely audibly, she mumbled "probably."

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><p>The ride hadn't been long enough. Ari's creamy, athletic thighs had been straddled around his, and he got distracted more than once by rubbing his hands up and down them as they took the short ride to his mom's house. He could feel every place that her body was glued to him while she rode on the back of his bike and he didn't know what to think about more: her response to his question before they left her house or how electric he felt with her body touching his. He felt alive, truly alive, for the first time in years. How one night could change so much, so quick, he didn't know, but he was glad for it. He dreaded how hearing about Ari's past 5 years could change that. Still, he knew she needed to do this, to tell him, because there would always be questions, from him, from his family. So, when Gemma and Clay had tried to make small talk, he was a little surprised when she told them to sit down. All of them.<p>

"Look, I don't want to go over this more than once. I don't want to talk about it again. This is the only time I'm talking about it, and then I'm moving on with my life, okay?" She had looked around, waiting for the nods, before she began to talk. "I knew, from the moment I pulled out of this driveway in that car, that my life was in for hell. I just didn't understand how bad it was going to be. I was on a plane for 6 hours, I was emotional, and tired, I was scared, when I got into Worcester. Eli didn't even meet me at the airport. DCF had thought she was going to be there, but she wasn't. It took 3 hours to track her down, and when they finally did track her down, I was brought to a fucking strip club to meet her. She took one look at me, told me to wait in the dressing room, and that when she was done for the night, she'd bring me home. That's how it fucking started." Jax watched as Ari nervously played with her zippo in her hand, turning it over and over, he could see the struggle of telling her story to them. "She lived in a small apartment, god, it was terrible. The only blessing I had was that I did have my own room. The first few nights were awkward, terrible. She didn't look at me, wouldn't talk to me. She didn't want me there, I knew it, she knew it. So about a week after I got there, I told her I wanted to go back to Charming. That I belonged in Charming. It was the first time I got any sort of an emotional reaction from her. She turned on me so fast, I thought I was going to get whiplash. With a fistful of my hair, she dragged me into my bedroom and smacked me across the face. She told me that I was never to say the name Charming again, and that if I mentioned anyone, or anything, from SAMCRO again, I would learn my lesson." She paused, as if she didn't think she should go on.

"I didn't think she had it in her, honestly. I just thought she was a junky whore, so the next night, I said the same thing. I wanted to go home. Next thing I knew, I had a plate being smashed over my head. I woke up on the kitchen floor the next morning, no sign of Eli anywhere, with a 3 inch bloody gash on the top of my skull, right here." She pulled her hair out of her ponytail, and parted her hair. Sure enough, there was a nasty scar in there, and he heard Gemma gasp. Jax tightened and untightened his fists, over and over, trying to steel himself for more of her story.

"I started writing letters to everyone, all of you, every day. I wasn't going to push her buttons, I learned not to, but I also wasn't giving up on coming home. When I saw Eli, she was high or having sex, normally both. She didn't care if I was home, she didn't care if I went to school. Hell, she didn't even enroll me in school, I enrolled myself to get out of the fucking house! I had no friends, and I didn't make them, I was the odd girl out in a place I didn't fit into at all. The only school in my area that I could go to was a very ghetto one, in one of the worst areas of Worcester. The area was tough, the kids were tough, and fuck me if I didn't think I was tougher than them. Eli had ransacked my clothes, taking anything she thought was too "biker" or "Charming" away from me, so I had about 4 outfits to wear. I got picked on for wearing the same shit, over and over again, and when someone tried to fuck with me, I gave it right back. But this wasn't Charming, where people were afraid to go after me for what the club would to do to them. This was the city. After getting the shit kicked out of me more than once, I stopped talking back to the kids in school. I learned. I kept a low profile in school, did well in my classes, and I didn't say shit."

At this point, Ari stood up and began to pace back and forth in front of the table, Jax's eyes were glued to her. "Eli wasn't just a stripper, we all knew that. She was a prostitute too, and she brought the johns home with her. I tried to stay out of sight, whenever I could, not going to the bathroom when I knew someone had come home with her, not getting food, if it could be avoided. Sometimes, it couldn't be, and eventually some of her regulars figured out that there was a younger, sober pussy in the house. After beating one of her customers away from me with a baseball bat at 2 in the morning, I sold my guitar to a padlock on my door." Jax couldn't stand it any longer, hearing her nightmare being told to him, and he stood up and pulled her into his arms. He was shocked when she pushed him away, "Jax, just, let me get it all out, okay? If you hug me or touch me, I don't think I can tell it all. I'll start crying, and then I won't stop."

"Okay little bird, okay."

"Eli was furious. I had beaten one of her regulars, put him in the hospital, made her lose that money. She beat the ever living shit out of me, busted my lip, broke a rib, broke my wrist. She told me that if I ever laid a finger on another one of her customers, she'd kill me. And that if I told anyone that it was her that had hurt me, she'd kill me for that too. I believed her, but I still told her I would call the club, call Jax, tell him what had happened. She laughed in my face. She told me that if all of you cared so much, why hadn't you responded to the phone calls? The letters? That yes, she knew about all of them. Obviously, since Daddy was dead and gone, I wasn't of importance to anyone anymore. I was so broken, so alone, I believed her. I did, completely. I started to hate the club and I hated my life. I hated my memories and I needed to forget the world I was living in. It had been close to a year that I had lived in Worcester at that point, and that's when I stopped writing. I gave up, I believed her. I started spiraling, darker and darker. I gained weight, I barely slept, I gave up hope. Then it seemed like something good had finally walked into our lives."

Jax wasn't alone in noticing the sarcasm and hatred that dripped from her voice during that last sentence. Flicking his eyes away from Ari for just one minute, he looked at Clay, then at Gemma. The anger, the hurt, the sadness - all of the emotions he was feeling for Ari at the moment – they were all on their faces too. He forgot how much they had always looked at her like a daughter. Hell, she had always been his little sister growing up. It wasn't until that kiss woke him up that he saw her as anything else.

"It was just before my 15th birthday when Eli started bringing him around. He was different, he wasn't a john. He was younger than Eli, a lot younger. He seemed like a friend, maybe more. Eli seemed to like him and he was actually nice to me. He talked to me, he listened to what I had to say - when Eli was passed out from all the drugs. He made me laugh and smile. He started coming to pick me up from school, cooking and stocking the fridge. Eli slowed down on her using, she started sobering up. He was the first person who showed me kindness in a long time. While she kept stripping, she stopped prostituting. She began to be kind to me, taking me clothes shopping, on his credit card, with his permission. I actually thought I might have a happy ending after all. Then, one night, while Eli was at the club, he kissed me." Ari paused and looked over at the table at the sharp intakes of breath, and Jax wasn't sure who's had been louder: Gemma's or his.

"I was so confused, I didn't know what to do. On one hand, I knew it was wrong, he was so much older than me, fuck fuck's sake, he was fucking Eli! On the other hand, it felt nice to have someone who was interested in me being happy. When he tried to kiss me again, that same night, I stopped him. I told him I didn't think that should happen. He told me that the only reason he was sticking around was because of me, that he was only around Eli for me. That he could make me feel better, make me feel good. He told me it was okay, it was natural to be scared, but that I should go along with it. He was the adult, I was the scared kid, and I trusted him. I believed him. Quickly, he went from stealing kisses from me to touching me in places I hadn't been touched before. When I shied away from those touches, he reassured me again. Soon, he started pulling my hands to him, making me touch him, making me make him feel good. That moved quickly to him telling me that I should give him a blowjob, he'd coach me through it, didn't I want to make him feel good the ways he made me feel good?" The cynical laugh that erupted from her mouth startled everyone. "I was 15 years old when he started fucking me."

Jax's head shot up and before he could help himself he blurted it out, "Wait, I thought you said that you were a…"

She cut him off before he could finish. "Oh, I am. He said we couldn't risk my getting pregnant. That people would be mad at ME for it. So we never once had traditional sex. He had self-preservation, that he did, so instead of risking getting caught, he was fucking me up the ass." Ari jumped when Jax's fists bang down on the table. He stomped over to her, and for a second, he thought he saw fear in her eyes towards him. The tears that had begun to pool into his eyes when he had figured out where her story was going began to spill over as he kneeled in front of her and took both of her hands in his. He lifted each hand to his mouth, gently kissing her knuckles.

"Oh little bird, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." He wasn't the only one that was crying. Tears were running down Ari's face and she sunk to the floor with him, starting to sob. He pulled her into his arms and was surprised when he felt another set of arms around both of them. Gemma was kneeling next to them now too, her arms wrapped around both of them, crying along with them. Clay stood behind them, putting a hand on both his shoulder and Gemma's giving them both a comforting squeeze. Her voice was small under all of them when she began speaking again.

"It went on for almost a year and a half, and every day that it happened, I was more confused. I have to admit, he made my body react and tingle in ways it never had. I hadn't experienced any of this before. He also made my head swim, I was so confused. This was wrong, I knew it was. I was, as much as I wouldn't have admitted it, a child, and he was an adult. He was supposed to be caring for me, not touching me. Whenever I would voice the opinion that maybe this wasn't right, he'd quiet me with promises of marriage, that he loved me, that when I was old enough, we'd run away together. I don't know why I believed him, it was probably because I was so broken, so alone. If he loved me, why did we have to hide it? So, right after my 17th birthday, I told him this had to stop. That I was going to tell Eli, a teacher at school, anyone. That it had to stop. He wasn't supposed to be doing this, it was wrong. He looked me in the eye and asked me what I was talking about, what had to stop. When I told him he couldn't touch me anymore, he laughed, and told me I was fucking crazy, he'd never touched me. Why would he want to touch me? I was fat, I was ugly, I wasn't worth anything."

Jax's arms tightened around her, pulling her to him, trying to feel her body heat to dissipate some of the anger he was feeling, the rage. "I told him I was going to tell Eli, and he told me to go ahead, but she wouldn't believe me, because it hadn't happened. That I was delusional, so broken from being abandoned by the people I considered family, that I had started making up stories, vivid stories, in my mind to feel wanted. To feel loved. He lied to me so well about it, he actually convinced me. I started to believe I was crazy, that I had imagined all of it. I fell into depression, I was drowning in it. That's when the panic attacks started. They got progressively worse, I felt progressively crazier. Soon, I started cutting. Never some place that anyone could see, but I was cutting every day, on my legs. Small, short cuts, but deep. Finally, one night, I wanted it to all end. I tried to overdose on some of the drugs I found around the apartment. The next thing I knew, I woke up in a hospital bed and was sent to a psych ward for a couple weeks."

She seemed so defeated, admitting all of this aloud, and Jax just wanted to comfort her, but he knew she wasn't done yet, so he just held her and stayed quiet. "Eli was arrested on possession and intent to sell, and the last time I saw her, she told me I had ruined her life. That was the last time I saw her, almost 2 years ago. Heard she got out of the slammer fast though, must have been one of the cops that she fucked on a regular basis."

"Little bird, if you haven't been with Eli for the past 2 years, where the hell where you, sweetheart?" Gemma gave voice to the thought that had been in his own head.

"Well, DCF couldn't put me back with Eli, so they tracked down her next of kin. Her father, Louis, actually lived in the area. That's where I was sent, at least until I turned 18. He was a good guy, Louis. He hated the life that Eli had chosen for herself, wanted to get to know me. He was good to me. He pulled me out of that god-awful school and into a better, safer one. Got me a tutor, a therapist, anything I needed. He wasn't rich, by any means, but he lived comfortably, but he did insist that I have a job after I graduated. I tried to get a job as a mechanic, but for some reason, shop owners didn't believe an 18 year old girl could be a decent mechanic. I started working in a dental office instead. His wife died when Eli was 20 and it was just him. I lived with him until he died, about 6 months ago. There wasn't much, but he left me a car, and enough money get my own place. It was my getting an apartment in my own name that made it so Rosen was finally able to track me down. After getting a call from him, I drove out here, about 2 weeks ago, to go over the details of his will and the trust fund."

Jax listened, numbly, as Ari explained what Rosen had told her about her father's will and about the rules that went along with the trust fund. He was still trying to hold together his rage that someone had touched her, molested her, turned her inside out of her own head until she had tried to commit suicide. Ari, his little bird, had tried to take her own life. 5 years ago would have been the last time he ever saw her. All because of a sick fucking bastard. He was pulled out of his own head as Gemma began to stand up. She pulled Ari out of his arms and up into her own.

"I'm so sorry for everything you've been through, my little bird. You're home now, you're a part of this family, and we don't ever let something like that happen to you again. Do you understand me?" Jax had to smile, even when she was trying to be gentle, all Gemma really knew was tough love.

"Yeah, Momma Crow, I understand." With that, Ari dropped a kiss on Gemma's cheek and walked to the enveloping arms of Clay, who hadn't said a word yet, but looked angry and stoic. He pulled her in for a tight hug, and kissed her on the forehead. The next thing Jax knew, Ari was holding a hand out to him for him to stand up.

"Come on, Prince Charming, bring me home. I need to go back to sleep for a while."


	7. Chapter 7

Hey! I wasn't abandoning you guys, I was just busy. After letting my head heal up, I threw myself back into work, plus being a mom. I just got really busy and didn't want to write a half assed chapter because of that. I've been writing it section by section.

As a side note, I did have a comment from a guest that I was using 'Little Bird' too often. You have to understand that that won't always be a constant nickname. It won't always be the first one to come out, but in moments of emotion, it will be. It's the close-knit, family nickname. The one that shows how much they truly care about her. Ari will be the one that's used in public places or when everyone is being more forward and less emotional.

I also got one giving me story ideas. While I appreciate feedback, not to be bitchy, I don't need pointers on where to bring the story. This is my story, and I know where I want it to go. Thank you.

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><p>Jax fiddled with his lighter while he sat in the chapel with the rest of the guys. Clay was discussing this week's needs and events, but his mind wasn't in church. His mind was on Ari, on everything she had told him and his parents 2 days ago. He couldn't turn his thoughts off, couldn't get rid of the rage he was feeling towards the asshole who had touched her. <em>How could someone do that to her? To anyone? How did a man justify ever touching someone so young? How could her own flesh and blood mother beat her and ignore her? The feds acted like SAMCRO was the worst thing to happen to a town, to an area, but yet people got away with actions like those on an everyday basis.<em> He was so caught up in his head that he didn't hear Clay as he spoke to him and only snapped out of it when he felt a smack on the back of his head. "Bro, what the fuck?!" he asked angrily as he turned to Juice. The look on Juice's face was a shit eating grin, one that seemed to mirror the look on every other guy's face at the table.

Clay's voice wasn't happy when he spoke, "I'm sorry, am I interrupting your day dreams, Princess?" A chorus of laughs spread across the table and Jax turned to Clay with his teeth clenched. "I was saying that you had news you needed to bring to the table."

"I, fuck. it's that news that's got my mind out of here," Jax started. He had asked Raven if he could bring her story and her return to the table, knowing many of the guys would be happy to hear she was home. She had agreed and then asked for him to let her be for a few days, that she needed to think and clear her head. "Raven is home."

Tig was the first to respond, "You're shitting me right, Raven is home? Where is doll face? How long has she been home, brother?"

"Why isn't she here, where is she?" Bobby asked.

Jax ran a hand through his hair, and with a sigh, began. "She got back into town on the 26th, so Friday will make three weeks. She didn't plan on letting us know she was here. She only came back to Charming because Rosen tracked her down and told her that she needed to handle Uncle Tommy's will and the general estate things that he had left to her. Eli really fucked with her head. Convinced her that the club, and anyone in Charming, didn't give a shit about her and couldn't care what happened to her. That we had no use for her since Tommy was dead. She had a rough time in Mass," Jax said with a sigh. Rubbing a hand over his face and then lighting a cigarette, he continued. "Eli beat her, more than once. Eli was also intercepting any letters or contact we attempted to have with Raven. Raven had almost no clothes, little to eat. She was getting her ass kicked in school by a bunch of ghetto bitches."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, brutha, what happened to all those boxing lessons I gave the lass? She could land one hell of a punch before she left," Chibs chimed in, cutting Jax off.

"Well, Raven said they ganged up on her, so I'm guessing one on one, hell, even two on one, she could handle herself. But if you've got a group of them all going against her at once, even the toughest asshole is going to lose in that situation. And Raven is no exception to that." Jax didn't know how to contain his anger, his rage, before he told the rest of Raven's tale. Looking at Clay, Clay seemed to understand, and spoke up.

"What Jax has told you already is only the tip of the iceberg fellas. One of Eli's johns became a consistent boyfriend. Started hanging out at the house. Struck up a friendship with Raven. Touched her. Molested her. Raped her – but was smart enough not to do it the 'traditional' way to make sure she didn't get pregnant. "

A chorus of "Jesus Christ," "Son of a bitch," and "that fucker is dead," went around the table. Jax found comfort in the fact that everyone at this table loved Raven like family. While Juice didn't know her personally, he knew of her, knew what she meant to the club, and he was just as angry. "I know, trust me I know. We failed her, fellas. We failed Raven in the worst way possible. We let her believe her family didn't love her. We let some asshole touch her. Violate her. We can't ever fix that, but we can try to avenge that," Clay looked around the table to see nodding heads, the fiery rage that had been in Jax's eyes since Saturday was now in the eyes of the whole club. "Hobart, this guy was there about the same time we had you watching her. How did that happen?"

Hobart's head jerked up and he looked scared as the guys all turned to look at him. "Like I said before, Eli figured me out pretty quick. Never let me close enough to her or Raven to get to know either of them. I didn't have my reaper back then, but the ink I did have tipped her off. Eli never let me near the house, never mentioned Raven's name to me. I kept showing up at the strip club, tried to get to know her, but she had me thrown out. Had me banned from the club. I gave up after a while, that's when I came back and requested the transfer back to SAMCRO."

"Alright. Jax, were you able to get any more information from her about the john, anything we can have Juice looking into?"

"Naw, she wouldn't say a word, bro, and I didn't want to push her on it. So we know nothing, no name, no physical description. We know Eli won't talk to us, so for now, we're at a dead end. If Ari ever discloses more to me about him, I'll bring it to the table. We'll catch him eventually."

"Alright. Well, this Friday, SAMCRO is welcoming back their daughter. Party here, at the clubhouse. Gemma's already got the girls working on everything. Get the word out to the other charters. Uncle Tommy and Raven were loved by more than just this charter and I'm sure there are other guys who are going to want to be here to welcome her home. Anyone else got anything they need to bring to the table?"

Hobart cleared his throat before speaking, "I know this is terrible timing, but my sister has cancer, not doing well, she's real sick. She's out by Portland, and I was thinking about transferring over to Tacoma so I could go help take care of her and her kids for a bit."

"I'm sorry to hear that, brotha. All in favor?" Clay looked around, there were no objections. "I'll talk to Tacoma and make sure that they agree. When will you leave?"

"Tomorrow, if I can."

"Alright." With that, Clay slammed the gavel down and the guys started to move out of the chapel. Jax hung back with Clay for a minute, curious about this welcoming home party.

"Does Raven even know yet?"

"Well, son, you know your ma," Clay said with a laugh while shaking his head. His teeth were clenched around a cigar, as always, while his lips upturned into a smile.

"What Ma wants, Ma gets."

"Damn straight I do." Both men turned towards the door of the chapel, where Gemma stood. She walked over to them, and placed a hand and kiss on Clay's face. Turning towards Jax, "And don't you forget it. Have you talked to Raven since Saturday when you dropped her off, baby?"

"No. Made the mistake of not getting a phone number for her, and she asked for me to give her some space, so I'm trying. I don't feel right just dropping by unannounced. I think she needs to really get her head around everything."

"Well, someone has to tell her about the party. If it's not going to be you."

"Ma, come on, give her the space she asked for."

"It'll be a quick, friendly visit. Nothing more."

"Ma," but it was no use. Gemma was already heading out the door and straight to Raven's house, Jax had no doubt. He just sighed and shook his head, feeling Clay clap him on the shoulder with a laugh. Gemma Teller-Morrow would never change. He should know this by now.

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><p>Raven woke with a start at the feeling of someone touching her, sitting up and scrambling back into the corner of her bed, before she had even processed what she was doing. She began to hyperventilate, her eyes still hazy with sleep. She wasn't processing what was going on, she was going into panic mode. She wasn't remembering where she was, she just knew she went to bed alone.<p>

"Oh, fuck, sweetheart, it's me. Relax, it's me," Gemma's voice was panicked. _Gemma. Charming. I'm in Charming. _Raven started to relax and her eyes started focusing on what was going on around her. "Raven, honey, it's me. We needed to talk."

"Gemma? What are you doing in my Dad's house?" Raven blinked and looked at her, trying to figure out if she had locked the door last night or not.

"We'll talk about it in a minute. Get dressed. Come downstairs. You're not sleeping your life away in this tomb of a house." With that, Gemma turned on her heel and walked out of Raven's bedroom. Raven took a deep breath and got out of bed. Grabbing a pair of body hugging jeans and a plain white tank top, she got dressed. She brushed her teeth and threw her hair up in a ponytail before heading downstairs, finding Gemma in the kitchen.

"So, Gemma, you feel like explaining to me how you got into the house? There's no spare, and I'm almost positive that I locked the door last night." Raven grabbed a couple of mugs, pouring them both some coffee.

"Baby girl, you better be positive that you locked the door before you went to sleep, considering who your family is," Gemma gave her a pointed look. "You did lock the door by the way, I just happen to have a set of keys to the house."

Raven laughed and shook her head, "Of course you do."

"Hey, someone had to look after the place considering the lawyers only dropped in once a month!" Gemma accepted the mug that Raven held out to her and took a seat at the table. Raven sat next to her with her own coffee and lit a cigarette.

"So, you mind telling me why I got a personalized wakeup call this morning?"

"We have a lot of things to talk about sweetheart, starting with your plans."

"What plans?"

"Well, you are staying in Charming, right?"

"You know, I've been sleeping to avoid thinking about everything. I hadn't planned on it, honestly, until Jax showed up and showed me the truth about the past 5 years. Now, I don't know why I would leave. I'm just scared of seeing everyone, admitting I thought so terribly about them."

"Oh, Raven, don't worry about that. Jax and Clay brought it to the table. I'm sure everyone will understand, and anyone who's outside of the actual club, but still someone you miss, I'm sure they'll understand too."

"You really think so?"

With that, Gemma reached her hand out and grabbed Raven's, giving her hand a squeeze. "Now you listen to me, Raven Eloisa Whitney. You were tricked into believing something. How the hell can someone hold that against you? You were a kid, and the adult who was supposed to love and guide you after the hell you had already gone through fucked with your head. That's not your fault, and I don't ever want to hear that guilt coming from you again."

Raven's voice was small when she looked at Gemma with tears in her eyes and said, "Thank you."

"Don't mention it. So you're staying?"

"Yes, I'll stay, but that comes with red tape associated with my dad's trust and will."

With that, Raven explained the regulations her dad had placed in his trust and will. The house was hers, his bike would be too, but if she wanted any money to support herself, she had to go to college. Raven didn't know where to even begin with the idea of college. Gemma listened and sat silently for a few minutes after Raven told her everything.

Gemma's voice was full of laughter when she finally spoke. "Your dad always was determined that no matter what, you needed to complete your education. What are you interested in, Raven? Do you still like music and art? Do you want to be an engineer? What do you want to be, baby girl?"

"I always thought I'd be a mechanic, but I never figured I had to go to school for that."

"Look, whenever you want, you can help out down at the garage, but your dad wanted you to be more than that, Ari. He wanted you to have more."

"Well, I actually really enjoy history, but I also still love art. "

"Do you still paint?"

Ari shook her head, "Well, I still love the idea, but I haven't picked up a brush since high school. I had to take art in school, so that's where I did, but Eli wasn't about to give me the money to get art supplies."

"What about Fine Arts with an art history major? You'd need to get a portfolio going, so you're going to need to start sketching and painting again, but it'd combine that creative mind with that logical one too."

Ari's face lit up, "Gemma, that's perfect! Thank you!" The smile on her face was soon matched by one on Gemma's.

"Now, about this house. It's like a fucking museum or tomb in here. I'm redoing the house for you, redecorating it. You're moving out of that bedroom and into the master, and we're making this a young woman's house, not some old biker's."

"Gemma, no, you don't have to do that," Raven started before she was cut off.

"Do I have to do that? No. Am I going to? Yes. Consider it my apology for the fact that Clay and I didn't come and fight for you when we should have. It's on us that you went through that hell."

"No, it's not. That's on Eli, but thank you." Ari stood up and gave Gemma a hug.

"Raven, have you been to the safe deposit box yet?"

"No, I haven't wanted to know what would be in there. I'm not sure how I'll handle it emotionally."

Gemma nodded, understanding, "You can't avoid it forever. Come on. We're going shopping, then we're going to go to the bank and check that box out. After that, I'm heading home to call contractors and landscapers."

Ari was confused, following Gemma to the front door, "Gemma, why are we going shopping?"

Gemma stopped and turned to face Raven. "Well, I'm sure your closet isn't as full as it could be, and I will always jump at a reason to go shopping. Plus, we have to get you an outfit for your party."

"Party, what party?"

"Oh, you know, the party at the clubhouse on Friday that's welcoming you back to Charming the right way." With that, Gemma walked out the front door, leaving Raven to collect herself and her thoughts. _Of course Gemma would spring that one on her. She wouldn't be Gemma without that._

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><p>There had to be at least a thousand dollars' worth of clothes, shoes, and lingerie in the back of Gemma's Cadillac by the time they were done shopping. Ari had tried to keep it light, picking on a few things, but Gemma grabbed everything that she thought would show off Ari's "killer tits" (as Gemma had called them), including any of the lingerie that Ari now owned. Ari hadn't wanted to stop in that particular store, but Gemma insisted, picking out scraps of cloth that would barely cover any part of Ari, making her blush. Ari wasn't about to tell Gemma that she was a virgin and all this seductive lingerie was going to go to waste. <em>Who did Gemma think Ari was going to wear that for anyways?<em> Ari mused in her head as Gemma pulled into Charming Credit Union. She was surprised to see a particular blonde biker waiting outside the bank. "How did… you called Jax?"

Gemma parked and turned to face Ari. "Baby, I know you weren't sure if you could handle what was in that box, and, well, I figured that Jax would be a good shoulder for you to lean on while you mused through it. You guys have always had a good way of supporting each other when it was needed. I don't think that's going to change now that you're staying."

Before Ari got a chance to respond, there was a knock on her window, making her jump. Turning to face the intruder to their conversation, she was met with a lopsided smirk and sparkling blue eyes. "Well, you're a little on edge. You ready to do this, princess?"

Ari looked from him, to Gemma, and sighed. Before she responded, she started to open her door, only to have Jax open it for her. Sliding down from the seat and grabbing her purse, she gave a very honest answer. "Not in the least bit, but I've got to do it eventually."

"You'll be fine. I'm going to drop these things off at your house, and I'll talk to you tomorrow after I've talked to the contractors and what not."

"Thanks Gemma."

"You're welcome, honey. Jax, you make sure she gets home okay, you understand me?"

The annoyance was obvious in Jax's voice, "Like I need you to tell me, Ma." With that, Gemma pulled out of the parking lot, and Jax wrapped an arm around Ari's shoulders. Leaning her head against him, they stood like that for a couple minutes before heading into the bank. After signing the needed paperwork, and showing her ID, Ari was told that Jax would have to wait in the lobby for her. Her face must have shown her panic clearly, because Jax spoke up. "Mr. Gillette, is it? You know who I am, who I'm associated with, right? I mean, you work in our town and I haven't missed how you've been looking at my kutte with disgust."

His response was stuttered, "Well, I, uh, yeah, I know who you are. I know who SAMCRO is."

"So you know what happens to people who get in our way and don't do what we want." It wasn't a question.

"Uh, I, uh, um, I have an idea."

"Well, unless you want that idea to become a reality, I strongly suggest that you look the other way on the one person in the room policy for a while. Because this woman right here is important to the club. She's important to me. And I know I will have no problem hurting anyone who forces her into an uncomfortable situation, and I'm sure the club would have the same opinion. Got it?" Jax was inches away from Adam Gillette, the poor banker who made the mistake of trying to follow policy.

"Uh, yes sir. I've got it. As far as I knew, you were both allowed access to that box." With that, he backed away from Jax and quickly unlocked the door to the room that held all of the safety deposit boxes, holding it up for both of them.

Ari was surprised; it had been a long time since she had seen the badass side of Jackson Teller. It had been even longer since she had seen the badass side of Jax in regards to protecting her. It gave her butterflies in her stomach that she couldn't quite understand and that feeling only intensified when Jax grabbed her hand and led her into the room. When she heard the _thud_ and then _clink_ of the door shutting behind them, those butterflies quickly became knots. Jax quietly lifted her hand, kissing the back of it, before asking her what number. "26."

"Ok, little bird. You ready?"

"Not at all."

"Don't worry. I'm right here, and I'm not letting you go. Let's see what Uncle Tommy left for his princess." With that, Jax took the key from her other hand and opened the lock that hid box 26 behind the door. He gave Ari's hand a quick squeeze, before letting it go, and placing the box on the table in the center of the room. He stepped behind Ari, looking over her shoulder, and wrapped his arms around her as she opened the box.


	8. Chapter 8

Heyya! Sorry about the delay, _again_. I really am crazy busy and I have all these ideas bopping around my head but I never get a chance to type them up. No promises on where this chapter goes!

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><p>Once the lid was opened, the first thing Ari was greeted with was an envelope, addressed to her, in her dad's chicken scratch handwriting. She picked it up and went to put it on the table, getting a glance at what was underneath it, but Jax stopped her. "Little bird, he put it on top for a reason. Read it before you look at the rest." His hand gave her shoulder a quick squeeze, and he turned her and grabbed her hand. He sat on the floor, pulling her into his lap, so that her back was against his chest. He circled his arms around her while she fumbled to open the letter. She managed to read a few lines before the hurt of simply seeing his handwriting had her in tears. Those tears soon blurred her eyes and she handed the letter to Jax to read to her. With one arm still around her, he held the letter in the other, and his voice filled the room:<p>

_"__My beautiful Raven,_

_If you're reading this, that means that I didn't get a chance to take it out of the box. Which means I never came home, I never got out. I'm no longer with you, not physically. I know what that means, babygirl. I know it means I never got to see you become a teenager – not really. Visits to me on the inside don't count. I never saw you graduate from high school. I never saw you put on a beautiful dress and go to a school dance. I never got to help you pick out an old car and restore it, so that you had it for your 16th birthday. I never got to scare and threaten a date for you. I know it means I won't be there for you when you get married, when you have kids, when you're scared and you don't know what to do. I know that also means that you had to go live with your 'mother.' I know you have to have 1000 questions, like why didn't I change that? Why didn't I protect you from that? I'm still looking for a way to change that for you. The only option that the lawyers have found so far is adoption. I'm racing against the clock to find someone who is an appropriate fit for a judge. None of the guys in the club are. My lawyers don't think a judge would look too kindly on my saying a 12-17 year old girl (which ever age you are at that moment) should go live with an unrelated male who likely has a criminal record – and a violent one at that. The only choice that seems to be agreeable so far is Gemma and I couldn't do that to you babygirl. Not because Gemma doesn't already look at you like a daughter, not that she doesn't already love you as her own, but because of how you look at Jax. I've never missed the looks, Ari. I've never missed how you lean on him for everything. How your smile lights up when he walks in the room. When you were younger, I always thought it was just a crush. A phase, something you would grow out of. As you've gotten older (and you're still young), it's only grown stronger, deeper. He's there when I can't be. He protects you. He might have always seen you as a kid sister, but that will change. Give him time. He'll see you standing there, and hopefully, he'll see you before it's too late. I couldn't take that chance, that possibility, away from you. I couldn't make him your brother. I have to just hope that I'm not gone too soon, that you weren't taken from Charming before any of this even mattered. I have to have faith and hope that Eli won't be terrible to you, that she'll treat you as a mother should. I also have to believe that no matter what, you'll come back here, to Charming. That even if Eli manages to change herself and gives you a perfect life, that you'll come back here, to your family. To your home. SAMCRO is your family, Ari. The men in the club, they are my brothers. Their wives, girlfriends and children: they are your aunts, uncles, cousins. Everyone there will always protect you, guide you, give you whatever you need. They will be your father when I'm gone, they have acted as your mother for your whole life. Lean on them for anything, go to them when you're scared. I want you to believe in something, anything. God, fate, destiny. Anything. Life isn't worth living without believing in some sort of higher power. I want you to laugh at yourself, don't take yourself too seriously. I want you to see the good in people – you always have. You've always been so kind, so good, to everyone around you. Hold onto that. I want you to love music, go to it, it's your therapy when no one is there to talk to. Life won't always roll over and just hand you what you want. You need to grab it by the balls and tell it who's boss. You take what you want, you fight for what you want, and you don't apologize to anyone for being a tough bitch. Learn to love the road, it was always home to me. Learn to love the sights, sounds, and smells around you. I loved being a Son. I loved riding my bike. But I never loved anything more than I loved being your father, and I'm sorry that I failed at the thing that mattered the most to me. As a member, you're supposed to put the club first, but no one thought about how that would affect those around us when we decided that. How it might damage a beautiful little girl, how it would change how she had to grow up, and for that, my beautiful Little Bird, I'm truly sorry. I love you. I miss you. I am always with you._

_Love,_

_Daddy._

_Ps. When you need it, so long as he's good to you, so long as he loves you as much as I did, so long as he gives you everything you want and need, you have my blessing. Even if it's not who I think, I just want you to be happy. Do not settle for anything less than perfection, for that is what you truly deserve."_

Ari was sobbing before Jax finished reading, hiccuping and sniffling, makeup running down her face. After the last line, Jax placed the letter back in the envelope, kissed it, kissed the top of her head, and then handed it back to her. As Ari clutched the letter against her chest, letting out years of tears, years of loneliness, years of grief, Jax just held her against him. He didn't say a word; Ari figured he knew there wasn't anything to say right now. She just needed to let it out. She missed her dad in that moment. She missed what he smelled like. She missed his deep laugh, the missed the safe feeling she always had when she sat behind him on his bike. She cried until she was out of tears, until she didn't have the energy to cry anymore. She slowly sat up, turning to Jax, who gave her a small laugh and wiped her mascara lines away. He gave her a sad smile; Ari knew he understood. He too had lost his father, he knew the grief she had been letting out.

"You know, I think I've cried more in the past 2 weeks since I came back to Charming than I have in 3 years combined. I'm starting to think this place is turning me into a sap!"

Jax's laugh as hearty, "No, you're not turning into a sap. You're just realizing you're not made out of stone. You needed all of the crying you've been doing. You needed to let everything out. You ready to see what's in there?" He pointed to the box still sitting on the table. Ari nodded and watched as Jax stood up, offering a hand to her. Gladly accepting it, they resumed their first position at the table: him standing behind her, peering over her shoulder, as she looked into the box.

Her dad's rings, including his wedding ring – which she found odd – were in the box. There were some stacks of cash were also in the box, but Ari didn't care. There was a stack of old pictures. One was of her sitting on his bike, clutching his kutte. She couldn't have been more than 5, and she's guessed it was her first ride. There was one of her and Jax making dream catchers on the Wahewa reservation. There was a picture of her at her 7th birthday, which was at the clubhouse, surrounded by the whole club and their families. Opie, Jt, Tommy, Jax, Clay, Gemma, Tig and his girls, Bobby and Precious, everyone was in that picture. They were all there. Ari was a little surprised to see that there were no guns or weapons in the box, but she figured most of those must be in the house somewhere.

The dream catcher she had made in that picture was in the box, and Jax laughed as he picked it up. Letting it twirl as it dangled from his finger, they both watched it intently. Putting it down, he grabbed the next thing in the box. It was the reaper onesie she had worn home from the hospital. Her dad's leather cuff was in the box under that – which shocked her. That means he had to have stopped at the box the last day before he was picked up, because he never was without it. Bringing it to her nose, it still smelled like him. She ran her fingers over it, the word SAMCRO was etched across it. It had small studs on it. She couldn't believe she had forgotten about it.

The things her dad had put into the safety deposit box weren't those items of the most value, she found, but instead those of the most personal value. Photos and items to remind her where she had come from – after all, he had known she would have had to leave Charming. He was reminding her, from beyond the grave, where home was. He was reminding her that no matter what there was always supposed to be a Raven among Crows. Placing everything in her bag, except for his leather cuff – which was now on her wrist, she and Jax headed for the door. As they got outside and put the helmets on to take the ride home, she turned to Jax and spoke. "Jax, the one thing I expected to find in here wasn't there."

"What's that darlin?"

"His kutte. It's not in the house. It wasn't in the box. I was just hoping I'd find it. That piece of leather says Dad to me more than anything else."

"I'll see if Gemma knows where it is. Now let's get out of here, let's get you home."

"Okay." With that, she climbed behind him on the bike and he started towards her house.

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><p>I don't normally do a note after the chapter, but I felt like I should on this one. I think this is the last super sad chapter for a while. Ari needed healing though. She needed to see those items. She needed that letter. Next chapter will have a couple day time jump I think, to the party. Can't wait to see where that goes! Also, please, don't think Jax and Ari are going to have smooth sailing. They're going to discuss what's going on with them shortly, and their relationship isn't going to be an easy one to figure out.<p> 


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